I'll bust the windows out your car
by ChojiSanity
Summary: She saw with her own eyes, The horror Natsume has brought upon these four friends. The lies, The cheating, and the deceiving...Can Mikan Play Natsume as she planned? Or will she stumble back and love him? WARNING OOC! DONT COMPLAIN PLS!HIATUS
1. I busted a window

**Chapter 1 **

_I dont know why Men cheat on you and break your heart, Why not just break up with you and then go with who ever they want to! Why do they stay with you when their cheating on you ? You cant say you love me, you cant say that you felt sorry for me, you cant say anything! I dont need your bullshit , I realy dont need it. What I need is a reason why men do this? I cant get an explanation for this, so screw it!_

One word to describe me, _"Sweet"_ One word not to ever do to me _"Cheat"_ I hate that! I dont care who you are, Its still a wrong and heartless thing to do.. I have never been cheated on before, and I hope I will never experienc it.

My name Is Mikan, Sakura. Im seventeen years old and Im determined to figure out this answer everyone is trying to figure out. _"Why do women and men cheat?" _Honeslty, Im not only trying to force it all on the men, Women are at fault too. But I cant seem to figure out the answer why?

I have a boyfriend, His name is Nastume,Hyuuga. He is not the most gentle person in the world. Yet he is a one I can trust. _"I beleive" _

Im going to go to collage soon, I have one more year left, and Im working on a book at my young age. Its about relationships and about men and women who cheat, And for the answer why? I thought to myself. _"I need more information."_ I cant just write a book about this and not know anything. I have to hussel and know and question people.

Im not the most responcibal person in the world at all. Im realy A childish girl, but Im working on that.

I was in school, Its such a bother to tell you the truth, but I have to deal with it. Im in the Library looking up more information, I realy want to get this book done. I will feel more better when I do. I cant ell you how many times I hear the sobs and crying of girls, because they were betrayed by the one they _"loved"_

I sighed. "Damn it." I mumbled. I looked at my watch on my wrist. I was suppose to meet Nastume and Hotaru 5 minutes ago. Ill just have to come back later.

I left the Library and went to the the front of the school and there was my boyfriend Nastume and My best friend Hotaru. I smiled sweetly "Sorry." I said. Hotaru rolled her eyes.

"Your book again?" Hotaru asked. I nodded.

I looked at Nastume, He didnt like the fact that I was writitng a book. I dont know why but it annoyed him.

"Lets go Polka." He said without looking at me. _"Whats wrong with him?" _We left school early so we could get a present for Ruka. He's Hotaru's boyfriend, It was my idea in the first place. Nastume only came because I asked him too.

"Whens the party again?" I asked Hotaru. She frowned. "I told you, Its a week from today.. Your the one who wanted to get him a present so early." Hotaru snapped. She was just in a crabby mood, and nervouse because she was excited about Ruka's birthday, Thats just how she expresses her happiness.

"Ne, Nastume what are you gonna get Ruka?" I asked him. We were going to Nastume's car. It was a nice one too, Anybody would want it.

"Hn." He said. Nastume didnt feel like bothered, not even by me.

I sighed. _"Whatever then." _

**XXXXXXXXX**

Who ever thought Finding a gift for Ruka would be so easy! Ruka loves animals , So I got him some nice rabbit food, since he has a rabbit at home, Nastume got him a...Key chain?

Hotaru got him... Something.

"Hotaru what did you get Ruka?" I asked her. She glared at me. "Secret." She said. I frowned, _"Fine, dont tell me!"_

I was too buizy not noticing the girls who were flirting with Nastume, I turned.. _"I dont have to worry." _I thought. I turned back to Hotaru. She raised an eyebrow. "Arent you gonna stop it?" She asked me. I shrugged. "Why? Nastume isnt gonna do anything. I trust him." I said.

She sighed. "Your hopeless." She said. "Your not jealouse?" She finished.

"Well.. I dont like the thought of it, but its not like anything will happend." I said. Hotaru smirked. "Oh yeah? turn around." she said. I turned and a green headed seaweed girl was a little to close to Nastume. She whispering somethingin his ear.

I was a little angry at that and frowned. I walked over there and grabbed Nastume's arm. "Lets go!" I said pulling his arm and walking fast as I could away from those tramps.

Nastume smirked, and kissed my forehead. "Your funny Polka." He said. I blushed. "What? we had to leave." I said looking away. He smirked and held my hand. "Im not that bothered anymore." He said.

_"What was he bothered about?" _I asked myself.

"If you two love birds are finished, I would like to get home." Hotaru said. I stopped turning red. "Yeah lets go." I said looking up at Nastume. He nodded. But for some reason, Im haveing this reason of regret in my mind. I dont know, a headache?

**XXXXXXXXX**

I was on the phone with Nastume.. My mom wasnt home, she had to work and I could take car of myself.

_"I gotta go." _Nastume said.

"Wait, Arent you comeing over my House to plan Ruka's Party?Hotaru is comeing." I said. I want Nastume to come.

_"I cant, Im going over Ruka's house to... secretly plan." _He replied. _"Secretly plan? He is probally gonna ask Ruka some questions or something."_

"Well okay..Bye Nastume." I said. It was a long paus.

_"Bye Polka... I love you."_ He said... My eyes widend. I was completly shaded red. That was surprising

"Me too." I said. I hanged up..I was surprised.. _ "Why did he say that now?"_ I was home, laying in my bed, I was tired and Hotaru was suppose to be here any minute..._"I need to call Ruka."_ I said to myself, I needed to ask him if he wants the party to be inside or out.. I know a lame excuse to call someone, but I need to know.

I dialed the numbers on my phone...

_"Hello?" _Ruka asked.

"Uh.. Ruka? I have a question." I said.

_"Oh. Hey Mikan-chan.." _

"Um... My aunts haveing a party, And she doesnt know if the party should be inside or out? What do you think?" I asked

_"Uh.. well, I would pick outside, and at night! that would be great ." He said. _ I smiled. I lied yes, I cant let Ruka know!

"Well thanks, tell Nastume I said hi." I said since he is going to his house.

_"What do you mean? Nastume is not comeing to my house? Who told you that Mikan?" _He asked threw the line. I froze..what?

"Do you know where he is then?" I asked. I was concern, had something happend?

_"He told me he was going over by Terris street, He said he had to meet somebody.. He shouldnt be over there in that crazy Stree-" _I hanged up before Ruka could finish.. I started breathing heavily. Why would Nastume lie? He wouldnt lie, Why was he even going over to that street anyway? My eyes widend.

I ran out my room and ran outside in the night. Terris street is a very small street , I know where it is anyway. I ran barefooted on the hard ground, Why did Nastume Lie? I ran and ran. It felt like I ran atleast 10 blocks!

Then I was here.. I was so stupid and retarted. This is a criminal street! I can easily get raped.. I started to get realy scared. I realy loved Nastume_ "Where is he?"_ It was quiet, too quiet. I wanted to cry so bad and scream out hi name..

Again.. Im so stupid! I should have just called him and confronted him about him! Then I saw it!

I saw his nice car, the nice one! I swear it was his! I ran to it and touched it, the car was warm. So he just got here? _"Why did he lie?"_

I looked up at the house he was parked by, better looking then all the other ones around here. I got scared again.. It realy is to quiet out here. I looked at the house again . _"Nastume is in there?"_ I thought to myself.

I walked closer to the house.. What was I gonna do? Knock on the door and scream Nastume? "_Just peak in the window." _ I thought. I came close to the window, It had see threw curtains so it was easy to look threw in.

The house looked pretty nice, I could tell this was a other room because it had a bed..And.. My eyes widend. _"What am I looking at?"_ I thought, I saw a bed and... and.. I saw a girl and a boy.. I feel disgusted for even looking at this.. _"I feel like a peeping tom!"_ I thought.

Nastume wasnt here... I thought that when I saw some familair hair. My eyes widend. "N-Nastume?" I mumubled. _"That couldnt be him.."_ All the disgust im looking at right now.. Tears began to ball up in my eyes, But not one rolled down my cheek.

I saw every thing, All the sickness, Now the space I gave him is now in the trash.

I could hear the moans threw the window.. It was sick.. The one I love is makeing love to some Tramp? I could hear everything, I saw everything and it just made my stomach sick. I thought, Im writing a book about relationships and cheating actions and its happending to me, right here, right now. I wanted to burst in there and confront him, but I couldnt.

Im not going to confront Nastume.. I looked down and saw a huge rock. I picked it up, it was realy heavy. I turned to Nastume's car and smiled just alittle bit, still hurt. I walked over to his car and I threw the rock threw his car window. I kicked and threw more rocks at it, not saying a word. _"Bastard."_ I thought.

The alarm went off, I turned around and took one last look at that house. _"That car was just part one of my plan you jerk!"_

I lost it, I ran away crying my eyes out. _"_Nastume.. you... you.!" I couldnt finish what to say.. So many thoughts jabbed inside my head.._"N-Nastume had S-Sex? Why would he, I saw it!" _No matter how far I ran I could hear the alarm from his car..

_"Im gonna get him back for this!" _I said still running. _"Im gonna make him want me!"_ I was still running trying to run back home, Get in my bed and cry...

_"You never loved me, If you were gonna hurt me.. You should of broke up with me. You men are so hard to Understand! Thats why your car is ruined you bastard!" _I had to be strong, Tomorrow I cant show any sign of hatefulness twords him.. I swear Im gonna get him back!

***End***


	2. I wont be sorry

**Chapter 2**

_"I have to act normal, What else could I do now? Now is not the perfect time to confront him about it... But I swear Im gonna kill that bastard!"_ I thought to my self. I was messed up, I was so pissed and Its killing me!

"Mikan?" I turned my head to the voice, it was Ruka. It took all my strentgh to smile sweetly. "Yes?" I asked. Ruka looked at me with a worried face. "What happend to you on the phone? were you alright?" He asked me. I did anohter fake smile. "Of course, also can you not mention this to Nastume about me calling you and everything?" I lied.

I had a plan and I cant let Ruka even let Nastume know that I called him and found out he wasnt at his house. "Uh, sure... But may I ask why did Nastume lie or something?" He asked. Ruka must have not known what Nastume was doing at that street, "No nothing like that, I.. Um.. I just think its best. Please? And dont tell Hotaru either." I said. It was a short paus then Ruka nodded.

I smiled. "Thankyou, By the way where is _Nastume?"_ I asked. Ruka hesitated to answer but he did. "He didnt tell you? His car got messed up! It was messed up pretty bad too." He said. I snikered "Realy? I wonder who did it?" I said pretending to have a worry look on my face. Ruka nodded. "Well I got to go see Hotaru, see ya." He said. I smiled and waved back.

I was outside infront of the school, class was gonna start soon and I was not cheery at all. Tears started to flood up in my eyes, I just couldnt get it out of my head. _"I wont cry! Im stronger than that!"_ I looked down at the ground. _"But it hurts so much."_ I thought.

I sighed. _"It time." _ I stopped looking at the ground and went into the building to homeroom. I couldnt get it out of my mind!

"Polka?" I jumped. _"Pull it together Mikan, you can do this.. Just think.. Play the Player, Play the player.. I can do this." _I turned around and smiled.."N-Nastume..H-Hi." I said. Okay it was harder than I thought.._"Play the Player."_

I looked up at him, and examined him every where. "Nastume! What happend about your car? is it okay, are you alright.!" I asked him pretending to be worried. He raised an eyebrow. "Im fine." He said Plainly. I studied him . "Where could you have gone to get such a terribal accident?" I asked.. I wanted to punch the shit out of Nastume so bad!

It was quiet for a long time. "Nastume?" I asked.."I have to tell you something." He said . I looked at him. "I didnt go to Ruka's house." He said. My eyes widend . "I was visiting my aunt at Terris street, And it was stupid of me for me to lie to you, I left my car at that bad place.. She was realy sick.. Polka Im sorry." He finish. I wanted to cry and scream.

That bastard looked me in the eye and lied to me! And he did it two times.._"Play the Player."_ I smiled and that made Nastume surprised. I leaned closer to Nastume and kissed him _"This bastard is gonna get it " _I didnt want to do this.. I realy didnt.

I even slipped my tong in there.. It made Nastume's day. I broke the kiss and made the urge to smile. "I-Its Okay Nastume-Kun." I said looking into his eyes. "M-Mikan? What are you doing?" He asked me. I smiled. "What a I cant kiss My _B-Boyfriend?"_ I asked him. I grinned and walked away. "See ya in class." I said.

I frowned when I made sure I was as far away from him as possible.. I didnt smile at all, Because I wasnt happy, I was happy that Im gonna get him back, But Im not happy at all of what I saw... "That Bastard." I mumbled. Tears ran down my cheeks... "What am I to you?" I said aloud. "Your Back up?" I finished. It was no use, Im talking to thin air.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

"Mikan, Where were you yesturday?I came to knock on your door and you werent there" Hotaru asked me. I sighed, gloomy as ever. After that little encounter I saw at Teriss street, I ddint go home right away. I was at the park at a bench crying. "I was at the park." I said. I couldnt lie to Hotaru, she'll see right threw me.. I have decided Im gonna tell Hotaru, so she could help me.

"Why were you at the park?" She asked. I sighed. "Crying." I simply said. She looked at me. "What?"she said. I sighed again, its to painful to tell .

"Hotaru, Im going to say it plain and simple, Nastume cheated on me. I saw everything." I said. "Then when I think he was gonna tell me the truth he lies, And guess who destroyed his car?" I finished. Here eyes Widend. Tears came down my cheeks again. "But, Im not gonna confront about it yet, Im gonna get reveng." I said.

"Mikan, Im sorry." She said. I looked at her. " Dont be, its not your fault." I said. It was quiet for a second then Hotaru sighed. "Im gonna kill that Bastard for you." Hotaru said. I laughed a little. "Dont worry, Im gonna do it my self." I said. I felt a little better, until I saw Nastume and Ruka walk this way.

_"Game face time."_ I smiled and waved. Nastume looked at me different, I couldnt tell what it was but he looked at me different.. I looked at Hotaru, She looked pissed.. I laughed alittle. and whispered. "Hotaru calm down." For once I felt like a person who can take care of anything.

"Mikan? can I talk to you? I wanna show you something." Nastume asked. I couldnt frown and say "go to hell." I had to smile, and show all my white teeth.

"Okay." I said. I turned to Hotaru and she looked at me with concern, I smiled at her. _"Dont worry, I'll make sure he pays." _ I said to myself. I walked over to Nastume and held my hand out. He looked at it. I smiled. "Your suppose to hold it." I said. I took his hand and put it in mine, I saw Nastume shade red alittle.. I snikered. _"Bastard."_

Nastume took me to the parking lot Where a lot of cars were. "Why am I here." I asked. I dont know how long I can be with him, Just holding his hand is makeing me sick, Who knows where his hand has been.

"To show you my car." He said. I looked at him. "Nastume?" I asked. He looked at me. "The car is not Important, well it is.. But I just wanted to show you since you were so worried." He said. I turned away and frowned. _"Yeah, But Im the one that did it."_ I sighed. "Why did you bring it to school?" I asked him. He smirked, "Im not gonna walk to school...Its still Embarrasing." He said.

"_Why just not tell me the truth?"_

We were there to where the car was parked. I wanted to laugh so hard..His car was _messed _up.. I did a good job. "Wow." I said. I let go of his hand, Nastume pulled me back. "What are you doing?" He asked me... I wanted tyo slap him. "To get a better look." I replied. Nastume grabbed my hand. "I want to keep holding your hand, your warm." He said. I rolled my eyes _"I bet that girl you were with was warm too." _I did a fake smile. "Okay."

The worst part of the car was the window , But it was taped up. "The window looks bad, what happend?" I asked. _"I threw a huge rock at it! hehehe!" _ Nastume sighed. "Some Dumb Bitch threw a huge rock at the window, the back is messed up too." He replied. _"Hey1 that Dumb Bitch is me!"_

"How do you know its a girl?" I asked him. he looked at me. "Who said it was a girl?" He replied. "Guys cant be Bitches." I said.

"Good point." Nastume said. He held my hand tighter. whats up with him?

"Do you have any Idea who did it?" I asked. Its funny, Because Im the one who did it.

Nastume shook his head. " Nope." He sounded so sad. To bad ! Im not cutting him any slack!

"_Play the Player."_

I smiled at him. "Nastume dont worry about it, Im sure you'll find her/him." I said. He looked at me and made a smile that you can barely see. He leaned closer to me and whispered.

"_Thanks, I love you."_

My eyes widend, _"No..No you dont love me! if you loved me..."_ I thought. I was blushing red.. _"I wont let him."_

I leaned closer to Nastume and kissed him, His eyes were closed.. Mine your open.._ "I'll get you back for all of this!"_

"_Do you realy love me?"_ Nastume hugged me, I didnt react to anything, Did i like the kiss? Do I still like him?

"_No."_

He's a bastard, I wont let him get to me, I-I wont! I wasnt watching myself, Nastume took over the kiss, my eyes were wide open...

"_I dont love you anymore, its your fault, Its your fault I cant finish my book, Its your fault I hate you, Its your your fault for makeing me trash your car! Its your fault Im like this."_

He broke the kiss and whispered "Mikan." That gave me shivers.. "Do you love me?" He asked.

"_No I dont love you, Not anymore..." _Its time to stop playing around..

"_No I dont love you."_

I kissed Nastume again. I did a fake smile. "Yes." I said. I put a hand behind my back and crossed my fingers. "Yes, I love you."

Nastume kissed me again.

"_So much pain you gave me, What I saw yesturday can never change."_

Tears came down my cheeks as he kissed me, They werent tears of joy, they were tears of sadness. Nastume your playing me right now.. _"You dont love me."_ Nastume kept kissing me.

"_And I dont love you."_

It hurts what you are doing, kissing me.. Being truthless to me. But It will all end soon.

"_Why Nastume? Why did you do it?"_

When it all ends I only have one thing to say to you.

"_I wont be Sorry at all."_


	3. Second Thoughts

**Chapter 3**

Its been three days since I figured out Nastume cheated on me... I act normal when Im around people, But when im alone I feel so heart broken.. Nastume has been rather _active_ lately, and he has been acting rather different then how he treats me.

He wants to kiss me more , and hold me more, and every day he tells me he loves me.. I dont beleive in that word anymore _"love _" I burned it down with the rest of my so called _love_.

I was sitting looking out the window as I sat down in my desk, It was a friday.. I _love _fridays.. Well, not anymore I _like _Fridays. I sighed with frustration, Im happy about every thing because its all comeing together.. Nastume is more Interested in me now.. I smiled at the thought.

I cant wait to crush him.. Ruka's party is comeing up next Thursday, Hotaru is in the weirdest mood ever. Every time Im around her she gets all jumpy and gets nervouse.. I know, Hotaru? Nervouse? Its is Possibal.

"Mikan...Um, I have to tell you something." I turned from the window and saw my dearest friend Hotaru. "Hmm?" I said.

"I know you dont want to talk about it but..." Hotaru looked around to make sure nobody was listening. "Do you know who the _girl_ was? The one who Nastume was sleeping with?" She whispered. Hotaru must be realy concerned about me.. How _sweet_.

Come to think of it, who was the girl _Nastume _was sleeping with? I frowned, the name _Nastume_, makes me sick to my stomache. "No I realy dont know, the only face I saw was.. _his."_ I replied.

Hotaru sighed in releif. I looked at her. "Hotaru?" I asked.. I dont know if this party is getting all in her head , but Im the one concerned. She looked at me. "Mikan, all I want you to do is keep doing what your doing.. I just wanted to know." She said.

I raised an eyebrow... "Dont worry Hotaru, Ruka's party is gonna be a success." I said smiling.. I think thats what bothering her.. She looked at me. "Mikan I-" She turned and saw Ruka and Nastume comeing into the class.. She looked like she was annoyed... "I have to go." She finished.. She left the classroom without saying anything else.. Why is she leaving? The bell is gonna ring any minute.

When I saw Nastume I frowned... But then I faked a smile.. "Hi Nastume." I said smoothly.. He smirked and took a seat next to me. Ruka sat beside him.

He kissed my forehead, It made my stomache sick again . _"Who knows where his lips might have been_." I thought. But continued to smile.

"Hows your car?" I asked.. He hesitated to answer.."Its..fine." He said. _It wasnt fine._

I turned my face away and laughed to myself.. "Ruka gave me ride." He continued. I turned back and grinned a little. "Oh.. Thats good." I said. How long can I keep this up?

Nastume smirked again and put his arm around me. "Enough about the car, How are you _Polka_?" He asked me.. _"How am I ? Oh Im doing good, not that long ago I saw you with another female! Im doing realy fine you bastard. *smiles*"_

"Uh.. W-Well, the same I guess.. You know that." I said. I was quiet un sure of what to say. _"How am I ?"_

I frowned at the thought, Nastume kissed my cheek. "Whats wrong?" He asked me.. He was more loveing. _"Oh nothings wrong, I just cant deal with the fact that you can even look me in the eye and still kiss me after what you did!"_

"N-Nothing." I said. I Hate to say it.. I do love the fact that Nastume is more loveing and kind, But still thats no excuse! Realy, Do all men do this? Have a girlfriend, Go with another female and sleep with them, the next day act totally different, and act all lovey dovey and say you love them a thousand times..

I guess its just guilt.. Not my problem. Nastume kissed me again.. "Your not telling me the truth." He said. I looked at him, he had full concern showed all over his face. _why?_

"Im tired." I said. It realy wasnt a lie, I was tired.. Tired of all of this..

"What if I say I could take all of it away?" He said. I got alittle nervouse at that part, I started to shade a little red. I looked at him again, and raised an eyebrow. "W-What do you mean by that?" I asked.

He smirked, and his lips got closer to my ear.. "I want you.. Mikan." He said.. My eyes widend.. _"No, no , no!" _This was not according to plan! The teacher came in and the bell rang, Nastume left my ear, and sat like he normaly does.

Me? I went back to normal too, But those three words.. Haunted me. _"I want you_."

I jumped alittle at the thought.. I realy wanted to cry.. Not because he said he wanted me, Because he is still lying to me again. _"I'll make his end.. soon"_

**_xXxXxXxXxXxX_**

"Im telling you Hotaru! He is confusing! I dont understand him." I said. I sighed with frustration.. "I dont know... What to do." I said. A tear came down my cheek, then another, and another.. Soon, Many came sliding down.

"He's such a bastard." I mumbled. I looked at Hotaru, she was looking off somewhere.. "Hotaru?" I asked her. She turned to me, she looked mad. "He said he wanted you?" She asked me. I nodded.. "He is a bastard." Hoatru said.

I laughed alittle. "But... Should I?" I asked her. She looked at me. "Should you what?" She asked. I looked away. "Should I take up on his offer." I said. "Well it realy wasnt an offer, He was realy just letting me know." I finished

It was quiet for a minute. "Hell no." Hotaru said. I turned back at her. "Why? I have to do this! After that, Nastume will be heart broken! I'd play the player, and I'd be done with it." I stated. "Nastume will never see it comeing." I said.

Hotaru sighed. "How do you know Nastume isnt playing you right now? What if he gets what he wants then dumps you right after your finished? Im just worried." She said. I looked at Hotaru with a determined face.

"Hotaru.. Thats why I have to do this!" I said. She looked at me and sighed.. "Its funny... It feels like you guys just might be playing each other, and dont even know it." She said, And laughed alittle. I looked at Hotaru.. "You might be right." I said. "But, if Nastume tries I just might let him." I finished.

"I hope you know what your getting yourself in to Mikan." Hotaru said. I smiled at her. "I know what Im doing." I stated. "Just trust me."

With that, I finished with a sigh.

"Still... I dont think he was kidding." I said. "What do you mean?" She asked me. "The thought of him saying he wanted me, I kinda thought at first he was just kidding.. But then I thought this would be a great." I said. Hotaru raised an eyebrow. "Your acting like he didnt cheat on you." Hotaru said. I laughed. "Thats the point Hotaru, Did we go over this already?" I asked her.

Hotaru smirked.. "Yeah I guess.. But what about your book?" She asked me. I frowned. "Please dont remind me, Im not doing it anymore.. Well, not until this funny buisness is over." Hotaru laughed at my little remark at the end.. "Whats so funny?" I asked her.. "Funny buisness huh?" She turned to me and smiled.. I looked at Hotaru with a confused face.. It was a bitter smile she was showing. "Hotaru I realy-" She cut me off. "Just forget it, I hope you will be okay.. Thats all." She said.

Am I doing something wrong? I realy dont think I am.. Im just giving Nastume what he deserves.. Hotaru isnt supporting me all the way. The question is.. _Why?_

With that word haunting me in my mind, I didnt say anything else.. The conversation was over.

**_XxXXxXxXx_**

Hotaru, Ruka, Nastume and I were at the front of the school, Hotaru and Nastume were gonna ride with Ruka, I was gonna be okay, I wanted it that way.

"Mikan you can ride with us if you want to." Ruka said. I was in a bad mood, I was thinking of to many things at the same time. I turned and smiled. "No Im fine, Ill walk.. My house is not that far anyway." I said. Me and Hotaru didnt talk to each other the half of the day, And we kept it that way.

"I realy feel bad leaving you out here to walk by yourself." Ruka stated. "Come on, you can sit with Nastume." He finished. I wanted to throw up, I realy didnt want to sit with him.

"Ruka your makeing a big deal out of nothing, Im fine.. Ill ride with you guys tomorrow." I said. Ruka sighed. "But Nastume's car is fixed he'll be driving tomorrow, Come on.. Its been a while since all of us had some friend time." He said. I laughed _"Friend time?"_ Ruka says the most different things.

"Fine you win." I said. Ruka smiled.. He's like my best guy friend. Ruka's car was realy nice. I have to admit not as nice as Nastume's, but it was realy nice. Ruka got to drivers side of the car, Hotaru got on the passengers side, and I was stuck in the back, with _him._

"Before I drop you guys off home, how about we go somewhere?" Ruka asked. I sighed, I might as well. I have nothing else to do.

"Like what?" I asked. I turned to Nastume for him to give him suggestions.. He shrugged. I sighed. Nastume put his arm around me and put his lips close to my ear and whispered . " Have you took me up on my offer Polka?" I wanted to laugh, He's such a man whore.. _"Is that a word?"_

I tried my best to smile. "I didnt know it was an offer." I said. I wanted Nastume to beg, this will be fun. I took off his arm around me. "I dont know Nastume, I dont think you'll be good enough." I said. I always wanted to try this. I smirked. "Dont you agree? I might be to much for you." I said.

Nastume raised an eyebrow, he looked real surprise. I smiled sweetly at him. "Well how we go out to eat right quick at that new Restaurant ?" Ruka said. I took my eyes off Nastume and smiled even bigger. "Yeah that would be great! Im _starving _anyway, what about you Nastume." I said. I turned to Nastume to see what he thought. I realy hate that bastard.

"W-Well sure, why not.. I dont realy care." Nastume said. I could tell his voice cracked alittle. _Perfect_. Ruka turned to Hotaru. "What about you Hotaru." He asked her.

"I-I realy dont car either." She said. _Whats up with her? _With that Ruka pulled out of the drive way and headed to our destination. Nastume was still trying to convince me. "Your missing out." He whispered to me. I smirked. "I dont think I will be missing out of _anything_ Nastume-kun." I said. "Besides Nastume, you would be a waste of my time..Im just worried for you." I finished it off with a sly smile.

I could tell Nastume was getting all these thoughts in his head. I smiled. _"I got you."_ I thought. "Whatever." Nastume finished. _The bastard is just upset because he couldnt get what he wanted, not my fault."_

With a couple more minutes of driving we were there. "I feel so cheap comeing in here in my uniform." Hotaru said. Ruka kissed her forehead. "Oh come on, No body is gonna care." He said. If only Nastume was like that, I couldnt even think of Ruka cheating on Hotaru, He loves her so much. I have to tell you I am alittle bit sad. Why cant Nastume be just like him? I gave up on the thought and realised that it could never realy come true.

Nastume didnt say anything to me why we were there, He would look at me then look some place else. I smiled and laughed with Ruka, Hotaru and Nastume would stay quiet, Hotaru would talk but not that much.

I have to say, Im the main one who is crushed and hurt, and still has a smileing face on, trust me its realy hard to do that in my state.

We left , as I stretched. "That was good, Im ready to go home and sleep." I said. "Yeah it wasnt bad." Ruka said. I turned to Nastume he was dosed off some where. I turned back to Ruka. "Ruka you and Hotaru go a head, I have to go Tlak to that Bastar- I mean... I have to go talk to Nastume for a minute." I told him. Ruka nodded.

"Hotaru come on I wanna show you something in my car." Ruka said. Hotaru raised an eyebrow. "Whatever." She said, and went with Ruka. I turned to Nastume. _"The bastar, makeing me actualy worry."_ I walked over to Nastume and polked him in the chest.

"Stop.. Whats up with you ?" I asked. I dont care if Nastume was upset, I still hads to keep up the act. "Nothing Mikan." He said. There is something wrong with him! Everytime he says my name. He has no right. "Yeah there is! I wanna know whats up Nastume.. Are you hiding something?" I asked.

Nastume looked at me. "Are you?" He asked me. "What? Why would I be hiding something?" I snapped.

Nastume sighed. "Im not upset because of that.. Im upset because you changed." He said. My eyes widend. "Because I changed? Im still the smiling happy Mikan." I said. Nastume frowned. "The way you are, what happend?" He asked. I aslo frowned. "What? Nothing happend." I said.

I wanted to cry, It was all comeing back to me now, The pain and sadness I was feeling.. Thats the only reason why I changed.. Its your fault _Nastume_.

Nastume sighed with frustration. "Looks like god is punishing me for what I've done." He said. I looked at him. "What?" I asked him, What the hell was he talking about?

"Mikan in life there are bad people, I just want you to know that im not one of them." He said, He looked at me with an emotion I could not describe.. _Your lying to me._ Im not going to end my days with this sadness everyday. "Realy? Are you sure about that?" I asked him. "Because I dont know if thats true." I finished.

Nastume looked at me. "I love you so much, I dont want you to think that I dont, I want you because I love you.. The way you are , the way you smile, I love you so much for that.. I dont want to lose you." He said. After hearing that, I wanted to cry. I didnt know if he was lying or telling the truth.

"Nastume I..." _I saw you with another women, do you love me like you love her? Its not real love. _"I love you too, I just want to wait a little longer." I said. Im a realy nice, sweat girl. Can I realy break Nastume's I look at his face when Im finished... Can I realy do this?

Nastume kissed me. "I can wait." He said. "Because I love you so much." He finished.

I didnt cry, I wasnt pissed.. This time I let him. _Oh Nastume, why did you do this?_ He realy loves me? That question haunted me ever since the day I busted one of his windows.. Is he tricking me.

All the things that happend I was getting alittle mad.

Im getting second thoughts. This is some real bull shit. Nastume broke the kiss. I looked at him with sadness in my eyes, He grabbed my hand. "Come on Ruka is waiting." He said. I nodded, I was blushing. I was so unsure..But I wont give in... Just yet.


	4. Love is a strong word

**Chapter 4**

_I love you_

Saturday? A day where you are suppose to relax.. A day away from school! What an awsome day, What a wonderful day, Well not for me.. I hate myself for some reason. I let him kiss me? I wasnt suppose to do that! I realy was not!

I feel so foolish, I feel so damn messed up! I have to think, Because if I mess this up its all over!

"Mikan stop daydreaming and lets go!" yeulled Hotaru. I jumped.

"Sorry, Im not even dressed." I said. It was the day! all the preperations were done, every thing was finished. Rukas Birthday party! It was not a special day for me, but a day for Ruka.

Hotaru rolled her eyes.

"You dummy, we have to hurry! its Starts at Nine!" She snapped. Hotaru was nervous, I could tell. I smiled at her. "Dont be nervous Hotaru! I just have to get dresses and we can go!" I said. I wanted to laugh so much, because Hotaru is so funny.

I have been okay for the most. Hotaru not realy. "Whatever hurry up! you know your boyfriend will be waiting." Hotaru said. I frowned. "Not for long I hope." I said. I got dressed, the last thing I had to put on was my shoes.

Me and Hotaru were at my house, Hotaru was waiting for me upfront because I could hear her honking the horn outside. I put on my shoes and looked at myself in the mirror. _"Will Nastume like it?"_ I gasped. What the hell was I thinking? I cant let him get to me... But he is so sweet now... No! I have to stop.

I left my house and met Hotaru in her car. I sat in the passengers side.

"You look pretty Mikan." Hotaru said. I smiled. "Not as pretty as you! Now come on, _your_ boyfriend will be waiting."I said . Hotaru sighed and turned on the car and left my house.

"Mikan, do you realy think Ruka is the one for me?" Hotaru asked me. I looked at her. "Yes! He's so sweet and nice! Why would you have any douts about that Hotaru?" I asked her.

She sighed. "I know, its just that he's too nice, he never kisses me hardly, like you do with Natsume, and your just playing with him." Hotaru said. I laughed alittle.

"I know, But... I... Dont play with him... All the time..." I said. Hotaru turned to me. "Eyes on the rode Hotaru!" I yeulled.

"Mikan! havent you forgot what he did? He broke your heart and you actualy saw it! you trashed his car, And you have the guts to forgot that he was with another wome!" She was right, I new she right.

"I know, I havent forgot Hotaru! He's just so different, he's more sweet! and Kind... I know I cant forgive him but... I dont know if I can finish what I started." I said not looking at Hotaru, I turned my head to the window, it was night and I could see the stars.

I heard Hotaru sigh, "Forget the conversation, I dont wanna talk about it anymore." She said. I sighed, I dont want to talk about it either, we always fight about it.

But after a few minutes we were there. Outside at Ruka's party.

_**XxXxXxXxXxxXxXxXx**_

_Do you realy love him? Or do you hate him? Dont be so scared, you need to make up your mind._

The place was big, well the place that Hotaru rented. It was outside, and there was lights and so much decaration!

"Wheres Ruka? I wanna say happy birthday." I asked Hotaru. Hotaru shrugged.  
>"I dont know, did you put your present by the other gifts?" She asked me, I nodded. "This place is so big!" I said. Hotaru laughed. "Yep." She said. "Theres alot of people here." She mummbled. I nodded, there was alot of people here.<p>

"Im gonna get some punch." I said leaving Hotaru in the big crowd of people.

I went to the punch and got me a cup full of it, it was realy good. Someone tapped my shoulder and I turned to see who it was. It was Natsume. "H-Hey." I said. He smiled a little.

"Hello Polka, you look pretty Today." He said. I blushed.

"Thanks." I whispered. _ Dont fall for that act! He doesnt realy care for you Mikan, you know that!_

I smiled. "You look nice too, its my first time seeing you in a suit Like that." I said. "W-Wheres Ruka?" I asked him. Nastume frowned. "Whats wrong? Arent you happy?" He asked me. I faked a smile. "Yes Im just alittle nervous." I said.

He took my hand, "Come on lets go see Ruka." Natsume said pulling me away from the Punch bowl. "B-But Hotaru." I whispered just enough for him to hear me.

"She wont miss you." He said softly.

He is so sweet

_Please dont forget what you saw_

I know but...

_He wants this, dont give in! Stick to the plan!_

I feel so stupid for doing this.

"Hey Mikan!" I looked up, it was Ruka with abunch of people. "Hi, Happy birthday!" I said. Ruka smiled at me. "Thank you, wheres Hotaru?" He asked me. I shrugged. "I left her to go get something to drink, then Natsume took me here to see you." I said.

Ruka looked sad. "B-But I could take you to her." I said.

"No thats okay, Hotaru will find me eventually. Have fun with Nastume." He said. My stomache was starting to hurt. "I-I will try." I said. I turned my gaze to Natsume, he let go of my hand and smirked.

"You will have fun Mikan." He said. I blushed. _Dont say my name!_

_Its a perfect oppertunity for you to Break his Bastardness of a heart!_

I want to but...

_But what?_

I cant...

Im soo stupid, I took hold of Natsume's hand . "Nastume I need to tell you something..." I said. He looked at me. "Hmm?"

"I-I need to know if..." _If you love me! I dont know, I wanna break up! I dont think I can trust you, It was me who did those things to your car, I wont say sorry!_

How pathetic.

"If your car... Is okay... Did it cost... alot, for it to be ... fixed?" I couldnt do it.. Foolish me.

Natsume laughed Softly. "Yep, but now I can take you wherever you want to go now, Mikan" He said. _ I hate him, I love him, _

"Thats good Natsume... Im sorry" I blurted out. He raised an eyebrow. "For what?" He asked. Why was I saying sorry to him? He should be saying sorry to me. "F-For acting different, I just want to enjoy Rukas Party okay?" I said.

Nastume patted me on the head. "Your funny." He said. I smiled a little. " I know. " I said soflty. I heard the tapping of glass, We turned, it was Ruka.

"I would like to make a toast, and thank everyone for being here on this special night here on my birthday! It pleases me to know that I have so many friends here, again thankyou all for comeing.. I am so proud to have all of you here on my 18th birthday." And with that Ruka was finished. We made a toast and we all clapped.

"He's so formal." Nastume said. I looked up at him. "Yeah, its a good thing." I said. Nastume glared at me. "What? you want me to be formal too Mikan?" He asked me. I shook my head no.\

"N-No! your fine the way you are." I said.

Was I lying? I didnt even know... Did I like the way Nastume was? Yes... No... Maybe...

He smirked... "No Im not." He whispered... I heard him just enough. I looked at him .

"N-" He cut me off. " Im gonna get something to drink, stay here okay?" He asked softly. I nodded._ You shouldnt care if he is acting weird! What are you doing? _I sighed. "Just my luck." I mumbled.

It was getting dark, well.. You couldnt realy tell with all these Big, Bright Lights showing. It was loud, and it smelled of cake. Wich reminds me, I want some.

Ruka realy didnt want to blow out the candles for his birthday so he said he wanted a big huge one where everyone could see and just get a slice.. I want some... Bad.

"Im back." I jumped. It was Nastume.

"Sorry you scared me." I said. I looked at what he was holding... Cake!

It was Strawberry Cake.. My favorite. "U-Uh.. Where did you get that?" I asked Nastume pointing to the Cake he was holding.

"Oh this? I got it for you." Nastume said. I smiled, yes! I have cake! He handed me the cake and I gently took it. "Thank you N-Nastume." I said. It was the first time I looked into his eyes saying his name without feeling sick.

"Come on, Ruka and Hotaru are over there sitting, Ruka said he wanted us to be there with him." He said softly.. I nodded takeing a bite of my cake. " Lets go." I said will a mouth full of cake in my mouth. Nastume did the most Small smile. "This is why I _Love _you." He said.

I didnt say anything, I realy couldnt, I didnt know what to beleive anymore when he says he loves me. I have to forget.

We went over to where Ruka was. I smiled and sat down by Hotaru.

"You baka you ditched me." She said Sarcastically. I laughed alittle . "Sorry I got lost in the Punch." I said. Hotaru rolled her eyes. "More like you got lost with Nastume." She whispered. I frowned... Crabby much?

Hotaru turned to Nastume. "Hey... Have you figured who trashed your car?" She asked Nastume. _What was she doing?_ Nastume shook his head no. Hotaru gave a smirk. She then turned to me. "Hey Mikan you were so worried too, good thing his car is back up and running... Why were you worried in the first place?" She asked me.

My eyes widend. _What was she doing?_ "Well... Its a nice car... Nastume could have gotten hurt." I said._What was she doing?_

"Hmm, was that all you cared about? was it the car?" She asked softly. She was acting like it was some normal question! "Hotaru what are you saying ?" Ruka asked her. Hotaru laughed alittle. "Small talk." She told him. _What is wrong?_

"Hotaru I... Dont know why your asking this... I need some fresh air, Ill be back in about 2 minutes.. Please excuse me." I said leaving my chair and my cake. How stupid of me. I was already outside..

But I needed to get away from all these people.

I was out the crowd and was alone.. Yes it was Dark, Hotaru put the party at a nice and pretty park.. She rented the half of the place,

I was just out here walking, not sure where I was going, My two minutes were almost up.

I sat down on Green grass, I was tired and not sure what time it was. _What was Hotaru doing? Why did she do it?_ Im messing up my dress by sitting on the ground ..

"Mikan?" Oh great!

"Hmm?" was all I said. I turned my head to see who it was... Hotaru.

"Im sorry I said those things, are you mad?" She asked me. "No.. Im not mad." I said softly. She sighed. "I realy am sorry." She said. She sat down in the grass with me.

"You dont need to be sorry. You did nothing wrong." I said. It was dark so I could hardly see her face expression. "No, you dont understand.. Thats not what Im sorry about." She said. I looked at her again.

"Hotaru? what is it? You sound different.." I said. I could heard Hotaru sigh.

"You might think Im joking of what Im about to tell you." She said.

"What is it?" I asked. Hotaru turned to me , I couldnt realy make it out but it looked like she was about to cry.

"Im in love." She said. I raised an eyebrow.

"With who?" I asked.

She did a big sigh and hesitated to answer.

"With Nastume."

_what?_


	5. Love is a Strong word Part II

**Chapter 5**

_"Hotaru!" Mikan the little 6 year old yeulled._

_"Hmm?" _

_"Promise me something!"_

_"What is it Baka?"_

_"That we will be best friends forever!" She stated. "Because your great!"_

_"No..." She replied back._

_"What! Hotaru your so mean." She said about to cry._

_The short haired girl rolled her eyes. "Fine, fine.. Whatever!" She snapped. She little browned haired girl smiled big._

_"Realy? Pinky promise!" She said. Mikan helled out her little pinky to her. Hotaru did the same._

_"Best friends!" Mikan Yeulled. Hotaru couldnt help but smile alittle bit herself._

_"Yep... Bestfriends." She whispred._

_**Last chapter**_

_"Im in love." She said. I raised an eyebrow._

_"With who?" I asked._

_She did a big sigh and hesitated to answer._

_"With Natsume."_

_what? _

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

I looked at my bestfriend. What was she talking about? Was she joking? Was she playing around? I didnt know myself.

"Hotaru wh-"

She started laughing alittle and got up from the grass, "Im sorry, I was just kidding." She said. Her voice was off, The way she acted, the way she talked. Something was up.

"Hotaru?" I asked her. " Whats wrong?" I finished. Hotaru turned to me, Her face looked like a ghost from what I could tell. "You know what Ruka said to me?" She asked. I shrugged. "No.." I replied. She whispered something I could not make out.

"I cant hear you." I said. There was a short pause. "He said he _loved_ me." She told me.

My eyes widend, I wanted to say that was great! But... Hotaru didnt seem one bit of Happiness. She turned her back to me, she wasnt faceing me... "Mikan... I have been a terribal friend.. All the things I have done... I... I dont _love _Ruka ... The only person I think I love is..." She didnt finish that last part.

Terribal friend? What does she mean?

"Hotaru I dont know-"

"You dont understand..._Love_ is just a word to you now, since you dont beleive in it anymore... But yet, you still accept _love_, and you dont know if the love is real." She said softly. What is going on? This tone is not the Hotaru I know!

Hotaru turned to me. "Tell me Mikan... Do you _Love Natsume?_ Do you know what the word love is anymore?" She asked me.

"I-I dont know..." Was all I said. She sighed.

"Break up with him.." She said real fast... I looked at her. " Hotaru? You know I cant do that! I-Im getting him back! For what he did!" I yeulled.

"Im sorry Mikan." She whispered. " I hate to say this but... Are you just staying with him , to make it last longer? To make the love longer, so you can atleast feel something?" She said softly. _Was Hotaru right? Was I realy trying to make it last longer? No... Its not true.. Is it? _

Her voice changed, it was like talking to a whole different person.

"I-I cant answer that.." I said looking down at the ground. Hotaru came over to me and patted me on the head.. "Im sorry." She whispered. "Im just jealouse of you Mikan."

My eyes widend, and I looked up at her again. Hotaru? Jealouse of me? Why would she?

"W-Why?" I asked her.

"Because you have something I want... Im realy sorry Mikan... I have did a bad thing." She said. "It will haunt me for the rest of my life." And with that, Hotaru left me. She went back to the big lights ,Birthday party.

I stood here, Wondering what happend to the Hotaru I new and loved.

I began to cry alittle bit, I keep crying and always promise not to do it ever again, I suck at promising.

"What did you do wrong?" I muttered.

Was it true? did she realy love Natsume. Did I love Natsume? I didnt know at all.. I realized something.

I hate the word _love._

Ruka said he loved her? What did Hotaru say? when did she say it? And... What did Hotaru do that was so bad? I stopped my little tears and brushed off the leftover grass that was on my dress.

I walked slowly back to Ruka's party, and I have to be happy. I can do it! Im a great acter... not.

I finally got back, to where the big bright lights shined. I sighed. I looked around to Find Ruka, Or Natsume or somebody! I sighed again.. I hate this.

_" I hate to say this but... Are you just staying with him , to make it last longer? To make the love longer, so you can atleast feel something?" _

No...

"Polka?" I turned and tried my best to smile.

"Y-Yes." I said. I looked up at Natsume. He looked like he was mad. "What happend? Your _friend_ came up to Ruka, kissed him.. And broke up with him." He said angrily. Thats the Natsume I know. But... Hotaru did what?

"Nothing happend..." I said. Natsume looked at me and came close to my ear. I could feel his breath on my ear too.

"I need to Know _Mikan_, Ruka is so confused right now... Will you just tell me what happend?" I blushed red.

_" I hate to say this but... Are you just staying with him , to make it last longer? To make the love longer, so you can atleast feel something?" _

I pushed Natsume away and he was surprised. Im stupid! I have been to nice to him this past week, I...Hotaru is right.

"Natsume... Love is a strong word." I said. I had a tear come down my cheek. _I suck at promising_. _"I Love you so much after what you did."_

"Tell me Natsume, what is love?" I asked him.. I didnt know what I am doing... But... I wont tell Natsume anything!

Nastume looked up at me with a puzzled look on his face, I wanted to cry and punch him and call him a bastard... But... I couldnt.

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." He said softly. I looked at him, Everyone is changing. Is this the Natsume I know? His tone is so... Different. It couldnt be Natsume... It realy couldnt be.

_Because you have something I want_

You broke up with Ruka, for Natsume,Hotaru?

I dont believe you.

Your lying.

I sighed. "Thankyou." I said. I just got here, and I alrready wanna go home. I need to talk to Hotaru..

_"You dont understand...Love is just a word to you now, since you dont beleive in it anymore... But yet, you still accept love, and you dont know if the love is real"_

Is love realy just a word to me now? Im so messed up. Next thing I know Natsume hugged me. I smelled the sent of him, he smelled like he always smells, _perfect._

_"Im just jealouse of you Mikan."_

"Your stupid." Natsume said in a amuzing way. I wanted to laugh and smile, but I couldnt... What should I do with Natsume?

_" I hate to say this but... Are you just staying with him , to make it last longer? To make the love longer, so you can atleast feel something?" _

I sighed. That stupid sentence still in my head... I cant get it out "Natsume I dont know why Hotaru did what she did, What she told me I dont understand." I said, Natsume broke the hug and looked down at me. "What did she say?" He asked softly.

_That she loves you_

"I cant realy say, it was puzziling at the time." I said. Then I wondered, Did it bother me that Hotaru might like Natsume? I dont realy think so. I dont realy know. Natsume sighed. "The guy is messes up, I think we need to end the party here." Natsume said. I nodded.

"Natsume? Where is Ruka?" I asked him.

"Where we were." Natsume pointed. "I need to tell him something." I said. Natsume glared at me for a second then nodded. "Do what you want." He muttered. I walked over to Ruka, He was just sitting there... Eating?

"Ruka?" I asked him. He looked up at me and smiled. "Hello Mikan." He said. His voice cracked. I raised an eyebrow. "Ruka Im sorry, Hotaru-"

"Theres no need to say sorry Mikan, Im fine... Hotaru did what she had to-" I cut him off.

"No Ruka... Your not fine... Your hurt and confused... I know you dont want to answer this... But... What did Hotaru say when you said you loved her?" I asked him. Ruka looked down at his food and smiled just alittle bit.

"She told you?" He said. "She said she loved me back." He whipsered. My eyes widend... Hotaru.. did what?

_... I... I dont love Ruka ... The only person I think I love is..." _

Ruka sat back in his chair and sighed. "And it so confusing... What she did." He whispered. I needed to find Hotaru.. Why did she do it?

_"Break up with him.."_

This friend is so... Confusing.

I saw Natsume comeing this way. He had a bitter look on his face.

"Some Birthday." Ruka mumbled. I looked at Ruka . "Im sorry." I muttered. _Hotaru Doesnt love you._ Nastume came over. "Parties over, Hotaru is in the Hospital." Nastume said. I looked at Natsume.

That quick? Where did Hotaru go? was she trying to kill herself.? Ruka got up from his chair and looked at Natsume. "How do you know that?" He asked. Natsume sighed. " Hotaru's mom." Nastume said.

"Why would she tell you?" I asked. I wanted to cry... What did she do? "She was looking for you Polka, but got stuck with me instead... She said Hotaru wants to see you when she's better." He replied... The information he was giving me didnt realy give me enough.

I turned to Ruka. He was different. He wasnt the sweet Kind friend I new, he looked cold and bitter... Every one is changing.. "I wanna go." I said. "Hotaru could be hurt!"

Natsume grabbed my hand. "You need to wait.. We dont even know what happend." He said.

"I know, but I wanna go see." I said, I was crying again. I suck at Promising. I turned to Ruka. "Ruka I want you to come." I said. Ruka looked up at me and then back at Natsume.

"Its my birthday, why should I leave.?" He asked me. I was determined to get him there. "Because the girl you love is at the Hostpital." I said softly. It was quiet for a few seconds. Then I heard Ruka sigh. "O-Okay." He said.

I smiled alittle.

I dont know what Hotaru did, But I was determined to figure out the truth. I stopped crying and sighed.

"L-Lets go." I muttered.

_"Mikan... I have been a terribal friend.. _

Thats just the thing Hotaru, What was the terribal thing you did? To become a terribal friend?


	6. Is our Friendship, still strong?

**Chapter 6**

_Everything in life is like a challenge for me now._

_I saw my boyfriend cheat on me._

_I think I'm still in love with him._

_I messed up his car._

_My best friend is in love with my boyfriend._

_She's in the Hospital and I don't know why._

_She broke up with her boyfriend even when she said she loved him._

_She's Different._

_I'm different_

_Natsume's Different._

_Ruka's Different._

_People change_

* * *

><p>"Just a couple more minutes." I said to myself. This day is not doing so great for me.. I know its not doing so great for Ruka either. The man is Heart broken.<p>

I sighed.

Some party, It had to end early... I can understand why .. I was in the car that I tried to wreck and ruin. I felt sick just sitting inside. "What time is it?" I asked Natsume who was driving.

"Midnight." He said softly. Well... It didnt end that early

I sighed, I could have still been at Ruka's party drinking punch, But still... I wonder what happened to Hotaru.

I was in the front of the car, the passengers side and Ruka was in the back.

Natsume was driving really slow. "Can you pick up ? Go faster?" I asked. Natsume Sighed. "Sorry, I don't want to wreck my car again." He said. I frowned. "You didn't wreck it." I said. "Some person did." I finished.

I was not sad that I did wreck his car, I would like to do it again actually. I'm just really mad right now.

After a couple more minutes of Natsume's slow driving, We got to the Hospital that Natsume told me about, He really didn't give me that much Information.

I opened the car door and jumped out. "Polka what the hell are you doing? " Natsume snapped. He's been really crabby lately. "I'm going to see whats up with Hotaru! If you would excuse me, I am going now." I said.

I wasn't really sure what to do.. But the first thing I did was go inside. _common sense._ My hair was messed up, My dress wasn't all that ruined and I think I just broke a heal from running in here.

I saw a lady that worked at the hospital. "Is Hotaru, Imai here? I need to see her." I said desperately. The lady looked at me from head to toe, I new she thought I looked crazy.

"Uh, yes... I was going to go see her right now... Umm who are you?" She asked. I tried my best to smile.

"Sakura, Mikan." I said.

"Oh... I think She said something about if you do come she wants you to go see her." The lady said.

I nodded. "Can you take me to her?" I asked. The lady nodded her head slowly, I didn't care how bad I looked, I needed to know If Hotaru is okay.

The lady took me to a room not that far from where I was, I wasn't worried about Natsume or Ruka, they would come eventually.

"Imai-san? Mikan is here to see you." The lady said. She looked at me and nodded. "Go ahead." She said softly.

The lady left me and closed the door. I saw Hotaru laying down in a Hospital bed. "Hotaru? Are you okay, What the hell happened? First you leave me, then you kiss Ruka and break up with him, And after that Natsume tells me you are at the Hospital?" I asked.

I sat down beside her on a chair.

"You baka, I'm fine." She said. I smiled. She sounds the same, she doesn't sound like a total different person.

"Well... What the hell happened? Wheres your mom?" I asked her.

She sighed. "Stop asking so many questions." She told me. I sighed. "Sorry, I was just so worried." I said.

"Mikan... I am here because of a car accident.. I was driving home when I was not paying attention, I only got a few scars.. ." She told me.

I sighed with relief. "I thought you'd kill yourself." I blurted out.

"Why would I do that?"

"Well... With you and Ruka." I told her. Hotaru laughed softly.

"Mikan , There is a lot of things I need and should have told you .. But I didn't." She said. There goes that voice, that different tone of voice. My smile started to fade. She wins, I will listen, as long as she stops with that different tone of voice.

"Ill listen." I said.

"Good." She said. " The reason why I broke up with Ruka is because I don't love him, I just realized it. Ruka is so sweet and honest and nice, But I didn't want him. I... I." She took a deep breath. Hotaru really is trying to get this off her skin, I can tell she is feeling really guilty.

"I wanted Natsume." She said. My eyes widened. I was still unsure if it was true or not. "I didn't expect you to actually see what he did.." She told me.

"What are you saying?" I asked her.

"I'm saying that... That... _Forgive me god_... I payed some skanky bitch to hook up with him."

I saw a tear drop from Hotaru's cheek... Was she playing with me?

" I'm sorry." She told me. What am I suppose to say? _Its okay Hotaru! _Nope... Was it all Hotaru's fault? How am I suppose to deal with this?

"Go on." I told her. Hotaru looked pretty surprised. But she listened.

"I... I was ... Jealous of you Mikan... I liked Natsume way before you did... But... I couldn't deal with the fact that he liked you instead.. So I... Found some tramp or skank to hook up with him, Natsume is still Natsume no matter what girl he dates.. I was gonna tell Natsume that I new what he did and that I'm gonna tell You (Mikan)if you didn't Break up with her (Mikan)... I just... Couldn't stand to see you two together Mikan, I was a fool.. But here... Right now, you already new so I couldn't confront Natsume about it... When I heard your plan I thought that you were gonna dump him anyway after you played him... But I see you could not do it Because you are still in love with him... I guess, I just hate you so much because you still stay with the man who made love to another female... My plan didn't work... And after all that, the guilt was eating me alive, I had to tell you the truth." With that she finished.

_But if the guilt didnt bother you... Would you have told me the truth?_

_Hotaru?_

Its a lie

_Why would she lie to me like that?_

She wouldn't do it!

_Best friends cant be trusted all the time! When there is a man In it ,nobody cares about friendship!_

I... Guess you right.

Hotaru was never my friend from the start, This is something... I cant forgive.

"Hotaru..." I said. I didnt know what to say.. I was already crying.. She told me something I never thought she would do. And she did it so easily. I looked up at her straight in the eye. " You did all of this? so you could get Natsume? You broke up with Ruka to get... Natsume? You hurt you best friend to get Natsume? A guy that does not even love you? Your not sorry..." I said.. It was all coming to me now, why she was acting so weird.. Not because of Ruka.. But because of what she has done.

"Your pathetic... And I really thought.. Our friendship, would be here forever... No matter How old we are." I said. "But don't worry... Your gonna get what you want." I told her. Tears came running down my cheek again... I cried to many times, and I'm sick of it.

I got up from my chair. _All this for one guy._ "Mikan! wait!" Hotaru yelled. I ignored her and slammed the door when I left the room...

_Hotaru... Why did you do it? Your no better than Natsume._

_Natsume..._

I was still in the Hospital, When I saw Ruka and Natsume finally coming.. I looked at Ruka, He looked so crushed.. I hate Hotaru for this.

I saw Natsume, he looked so worried..

They came up to me. " Mikan? What happened?" Ruka asked me.

"Yeah you look a mess." Natsume said.

I sighed and looked at Natsume. _I never thought I would do this... Not ever..._

"Natsume." I said. More and More tears came running down my cheeks, I new I looked a complete mess. " We're Done... Hook up with some other Bitch." I said softly.. Truth is, I didn't want to do it.. But I had to do it.

Natsume was speechless.

"M-Mikan! what the heck are you saying?" Ruka asked me. I looked at him... Making a face to know that I was not kidding

I walked away... But before I left I turned my head back to them..

"And Natsume... I Wrecked your car... Have a nice day." I said. And walked away. I didn't know where I was going... Once I find a phone I'm gonna call my mom so she could pick me up.

I didn't want to do it... But... I had to...

Our friendship is not strong... Anymore.

* * *

><p><strong>Natsume's POV<strong>

_"And Natsume... I Wrecked your car... Have a nice day."_

I was speechless, I couldn't say anything..

* * *

><p><strong>Ruka's POV<strong>

_"And Natsume... I Wrecked your car... Have a nice day."_

I looked up at Natsume, he was speechless, I was too.. Looks Like me and Natsume were both crushed at the moment.


	7. I need a break

**Chapter 7**

_I trusted you, I thought I could trust him. But what do I get? The most closest people betray me .. Just like that? Well fine, Do what you want.. I cant take your bull shit any more._

"Mikan? How about we go away this weekend, For you to get your mind off of things?" My mom asked me. She finally came to pick me up.. She was so worried.. My face was all messed up with my hair in my face and my tears still coming down my cheeks.

I nodded. I was in the car as my mother was driving. "I would really like that." I said.

I new my mother was worried for me deeply.. I only told her of half of what happened.. All I told her was Hotaru was a bad friend and I broke up with Natsume because I realized the relationship we had could not work.

"Well, you need to take a shower and sleep when we get home." She told me. I nodded. It was 1:30 in the morning.. My mom was sleeping when I called.. But she got up as soon as she herd me crying.

"I'm tired." I told her.

"Its alright, we will be home soon." She told me.

I sighed. "Alright." I said.. I'm still acting like a twelve year old.. I really cant let my mom take care of me at a stage like this.. But I couldn't help it, I was messed up.

* * *

><p>I heard the ringing of my phone all day, I already new who it would be.. Either Hotaru, Natsume or Ruka... Don't get me wrong, I'm not one bit mad at Ruka, He is really the only one I can actually trust now. I blocked Natsume and Hotaru's From calling , I didn't want to talk to anyone at all.. I need a break.<p>

"Mikan! Come on." My mom yelled.

Guess where I'm going? I'm going somewhere I don't know because my mom said it was a surprise. "Coming!" I yelled back to her.

Maybe this will get things off my mind.

I left my room leaving my phone turned off, I wanted no one calling me at all. I left the house with the last of my bags. "Lock the door Mikan." My mom told me. I nodded and locked the door with my key. My mom was in the car, she was waiting for me.

I got in on the passengers side and closed the door behind me. "Now tell me where we are going?" I asked her. My mom smiled . "You'll know when you see it." She told me. I sighed. "Fine." I said. My mom pulled the car out of the drive way and onto the rode. And began driving.

"Can you a least tell me how long we will be there?" I asked her.

"Just for the weekend." She told me. I sighed. Where ever we were going I wanted to stay there forever, I had to go back to school soon... I'm going to be like a little child...and say "Poop"

* * *

><p>"Mikan wake up, you cant sleep."<p>

My eyes flew open to see none other that my mother smiling. "W-Where are we?" I asked her. I yawned. I was sleeping the whole time.

"Mikan is still sleep?" Said a very familiar voice.

I put my head up and smiled a little. "Jii-chan?" I said. I looked up and saw my grandfather outside the car smiling. I got out the car to hug him. "I missed you." I told him softly.

"Look at you, all grown up.. Your taller that me." He said.

I laughed . "Yeah, I have come along way." I told him. My mom got the bags out of the car. "Come on, there is still people waiting for you Mikan." My mom told me. I nodded.

"Just let me get my phone." I told her and ran back into the car.

I got my phone and turned it back on for it to go charge. When it turned on it said.

_42 missed calls._

I thought I blocked Them?

I was gonna turn it off when it rang, I sighed.. I looked at my phone to see who it was this time... It was Ruka.

No harm in done to answer right?

I Hesitated but I did answer it.

"Hello?"

_"Mikan? We really need to talk."_ Ruka said. I sighed. I didn't want to talk, I'm having a break.

"What? I'm kind of doing something right now."

_"You really need to talk to Natsume! He is crushed!"_ I rolled my eyes.

"Not my problem.." I realized I was being to nice to Natsume, I forgot the most Important thing, He cheated on me.

_"Mikan you don't understand the whole situation, Just tell us where you are_." He told me, what? Is he joking? He thinks I will tell him where I am?

"Us? Hell no!"

_"Mikan We just want to get this whole thing figured out... Please."_

"I'm somewhere far away." I told him. "If Natsume is with you you-"

_"He's not with me, he's with Hotaru..."_ He told me.

"What do you mean?"

_"He's pissed at her, he thinks Hotaru did something to you.. or something.. I don't know."_

_"_I don't want to talk to either of them.. I don't.. I'm finished with them."

_"Well... Can you at least tell me what happened, I really don't know whats going on my self." _I sighed. He doesn't know anything does he? If I tell him Hotaru never loved him and that she was Just Using him to get to Natsume, he'll be... More broken then he was before.

"Ruka... I... I will tell you when I get back... Good bye." I said and hanged up.

I took a deep breath.

"Mikan! What are you doing? There are people waiting to see you." My mom called out. I sighed.

"Give me a couple of Minutes." I told her.

I looked at my phone... I'm pissed at Hotaru but... I think I need to call her back.

I dialed her Number in my phone and waited for her to pick up.

"Hello?" I said.

_"Are you Fucking Kidding me?" _I heard a voice from the background.. Whats going on?

_"I didn't mean too! She had to know the Fucking truth!"_

_"Don't give me that Bull shit Imai! Now the girl I love is confused and she hates me!"_

_"Oh shut the Hell up! You never loved Mikan! If you loved her so much Why did you do it, you hooked up with someone else!" _I kept listening, Was that Hotaru? The other persons voice sounded like ... Natsume?

"_ It wasn't my fault! She was pushing me , I couldn't take it! But... You! You were the one who paid the bitch? Why the hell would you do something to her like that?"_

_"Shut up! Why would you cheat on her like that? Your no better than me."_

_"Don't change anything! Why did you do it Imai?_

There was a pause, Hotaru must of left the phone on.

_"Because...I...Liked...You... I loved... you." She told Natsume. "I wanted you to love me."_

Was this a confession? I didn't say a single word, I just kept listening, I heard Hotaru crying. It was a very long pause before Natsume could answer.

_"The only person I will ever love is Mikan... And Mikan only... You are just like those other pathetic bitches trying to get a guy... You didn't only hurt Mikan... You hurt Ruka too.. I'm done."_

I heard a loud slam, I think it was the door... And all I heard then.. Was Hotaru crying... Very loudly. That was so unlike her... It was really out of Character...

I sighed.. I hanged up the phone.. _What can I do now?_

I got my phone and closed the car door.

What could I have done... Nothing.. I didn't know if I was sad for Hotaru, or was...Happy. I couldn't be. I cant be that cruel to just laugh in her face.. I should have never picked up the phone.

I really need a break.

I don't want to think about it... At all.


	8. An old friend

**Chapter 8**

Staying over my grandfathers house is fun, I got my mind off of things.. I feel much better now. I just dont know how I'm gonna deal with it when I get back home.

"Mikan, Come here there's someone I want you to meet." My mother told me.

I was sitting on the couch watching TV, Its the first time I have known my grandfather to get a TV in this room. I got up from the couch and followed the voice of my mother where I heard it. She was in the front side of the house entrance.. She was talking to some one who looked very Familiar.

She turned to me and smiled. "Mikan! Don't you remember Shiro? He was your friend when we lived use to live here." She told me, I looked at my mom, she winked at me.. Great, now she is trying to fix me up with my old friend, after I'm trying to recover from a relationship.

I sighed. I looked at the boy beside her, He had black messy hair, with really pretty green eyes..

Now I remember him.. He use to get picked on because people made fun of his girly eyes.. He came and hugged me. "Mikan-chan, its been so long." He told me. I tried mt best to hug him back.

"Y-Yeah." I said.

He broke the hug.. "Mikan, you two should exchange phone numbers.. So you can stay in touch when we leave." My mom told me. I glared at her.. Its not like i wasn't happy to see him.. Before I met Hotaru, he was my best guy friend... I missed him actually, he wasn't like Hotaru at all. He never called me baka or dummy or even stupid.

"Yeah that would be ... Fine." I said softly

I reached for the back of my pocket and got my phone out.. "Wow Mikan, your pretty popular." He told me. I looked at him. "What do you mean?" I asked him.

He pointed to my phone.

_50 missed calls_

_You have 23 new voice mails._

_20 text messages_

"Oh..." I said. He laughed. and gently took my phone. And put his number in..

"Shiro you and Mikan need to catch up more, you two should hang out." My mom said. I didn't mind myself, I kinda got tired hearing the buzzing of my phone all day.

"I dont mind." I said.

Shiro smiled.. "How about a walk?" He asked me. I nodded.

"Sure, I have to talk to my mom first." I said. He nodded and left out the front door. I looked at my mother, she smiled. "What? aren't you happy?" She asked me.

"Yes.. But don't get any weird ideas." I told her. My mom smiled. "Whatever, your _friend _is waiting."

I rolled my eyes. "Trust me, I don't want to be in a relationship for a long time." I told her. I looked at my phone and sighed. _Stop calling. I thought I blocked your number._

I walked outside, Shiro was waiting for me.

"Where are we walking?" I asked him. " Around." He said.

We walked around the neighbor hood and the flat lands and just talked the whole time, It was real nice to get to Know him again. "So is Tokyo nice?" He asked me. I nodded. "I dont know How I feel about now." I said.

I felt the vibrating of the phone in my hand. I sighed, _Please just stop.._

"We should probably get back." I said. "Its getting dark."

He nodded. "Not to mean anything but... Your different." He said. Im different? How was I different? "How?" I asked.

"Never mind... But I hope its just for now." He told me.. I haven't seen this guy in years and he says Im different? How? It really should not bother me.. But it does.

* * *

><p>I hugged my grandfather goody bye, My mom and I were leaving... We were leaving to go back to that place We call home.<p>

"Have a safe trip ." He said.

My mom smiled. I put the last of my bags in the car and went to the side to get in. I waved good bye as I closed the door. My mother opened the driver side and sat down, turning on the car she waved goody bye and pulled the car out the drive way.

"That was fun." She told me. I nodded, I was a bit sad. I didn't want to leave.

"Hey mom... Do you ever think we could move back?" I asked her.. My mom almost lost control of the car. "Mikan I know that you have gone threw some things but... Its not like you will be with me forever, your going to go to collage soon... And I'm happy where I'm living." She told me. "Its not like you will see them forever, your going to a different collage than them, right?" She asked me.

She did have a point. Its not like I will see Those two Jackasses when I get out of school.. I sighed, I'm being a total coward, I just cant face them.

"Forget it... " I told her.

I laid my head on the window.. I felt a vibrating feeling in my back pocket of my pants.. I sighed. I got the phone out and looked at the ID.

I was surprised, It was Natsume or Hotaru or Ruka.. It was Shiro.

It said-

_Hey, sorry I was acting weird yesterday.. Your not at all different. I dont know why I said it.. Sorry._

I laughed at that a little.. He was the same... He was still the same old Shiro. Why did I ever leave him for Hotaru? I didn't ditch him at all.. I was a good friend.. But I couldn't remember why.

I wrote back to him.

_What the heck are you saying sorry for ? No harm done.. And Im am different.. Just a little, thanks for pointing it out to me_

_P.S. People still call you a girl?_

I had to go back where I was, I needed to.. I had to get Hotaru and Natsume out my system for good.

_Shiro_

_Nope, people are fond of them now._

Yep, that's what Ill do! Get them out of my life.. I laid my head down on the window again, I wanted to sleep.. Then in a couple of minutes, I did.

_Why would I ever think of moving back...? Am I that worried ?_

_It wont bother me for long._

_I hope._


	9. Why the hell is he here?

**Chapter 9**

_Erase it_

_Just please erase it from your mind_

We were back in Tokyo.. I got out the car not knowing what Time it was and how long I have been sleeping.. I wasn't tired at all.. It was Sunday and I have school tomorrow.

"Mikan get the bags for me." My mom asked.

I nodded. I got the bags out from the back of the car and took them inside with the door my mom just unlocked.

I put the bags down. "What do I do now?" I asked. My mom laughed. What was so funny? "First, you can close the door.. Its cold out side. Second, you bring your bag to your room and take a shower or something." She told me. Oh... I closed the door.

Well yeah, I could do that.

I went upstairs and threw my bag in my room.. It started raining outside, I sighed. I didn't feel like taking a shower or unpacking.. I just wanted to sleep again.. Even if I'm not tired.

I laid down on my bed.. I took my shoes off and closed my eyes.

* * *

><p>"Mikan, there is someone here to see you." My mom came in my room, She didnt sound all that happy. She regretful.<p>

Great, How many times has this happened? Who else is here to see me? What other surprises do I need to see? I was laying in my bed with my eyes wide opened.. I wasn't tired any more.. I got up from my bed and went down stairs to see who else was there to see me.

"Who is it?" I asked.. My mom looked at me, and she mouthed _I'm sorry_.

I looked to see who it was.. My eyes widened... Why is he here?No... I don't want to talk to him...

_Natsume..._

"He really wants to talk to you Mikan." My mom said softly.. I frowned.. "Well I don't." I said. My mom let Natsume in. "Ill give you guys some time to talk." She said and left upstairs.

"Mom! Why did you let him in?" I yelled. She didn't answer... She went up , I could hear the door close softly.

I turned to him, I didn't want to mad... I looked at him with sadness in my eyes. "You really need to leave." I told him. "I don't want to talk to you, there's nothing to say." Why did my mom let him in? Why did she even let him set foot in this house?

"I tried to come last time, But you weren't home." He said.. His voice was dry, He sounds so _sad._ I sighed. "Mikan... Why did you do it?" He asked.. That surprised me, do what? "I never thought... That, you would do this." He said.

All the anger rose up in me again. "Why? Don't be so stupid! You and Hotaru are dead to me! Its your fault, I should have broke up with you the first thing when I saw you cheat on me!" I yelled.. I started crying. "And Hotaru... My best friend... Both of you should not feel bad, you should feel guilty!"

I heard Natsume come closer to me.. I started shaking. "Whats the point of being here?" I asked. I heard Natsume sigh, "Because I love you, I wont let you go." He said.

_Here is the question I still Don't understand... He says he loves me, Does he truly Know what he did was wrong? Does he really love me? When I look into his eyes I don't see any regret of what he said. It still confuses me... Did you love me when you made love to some body else?_

Blah, Blah, Blah . My stomach started to hurt you. "Hotaru and you... Hurt me so much.. Do you really think I can forgive you and her just like that?" I asked him.

I waited for him to answer.. I want him to say something..

"No.. I don't." He said.

I glared at him, and I could feel the tears coming down.. I'm_ sick of crying every day... What can I do to make it stop?_

"But... I will keep trying, I will always tell you I love you, I will keep bothering you , I will try to kiss you.. I will show you that I love you.. No matter how many times you say you hate me or that you don't love me... I will keep on... Until you realize... That I'm truly sorry." He finished.

I froze, he came closer to me and kissed my forehead... And after that he just left the, He closed the door behind him.. He didn't slam, He was calm. I didn't know how to react to this, That didn't sound like him at all! I started to cry more and more...

I touched my face, I felt hot.. Was I blushing? No... I must be getting sick or something.

I heard my mother coming down the stairs.. "Mikan? How did it go?" She asked. I turned to her, I wanted to scream at her.. And yell... But my mom was so worried for me... I could do it.

"I don't really know." I looked at my mother and smiled. "I'm going to be in my room for a while.. Don t bother coming in to check on me... Ill be fine." I told her.

I ran upstairs and closed the door.

When I got in my room, I heard my phone vibrating.. I looked at it. I picked it up and flipped it open.

_Shiro_

_wyd?_

I smiled, I had one more message.. I frowned.. I thought I blocked the number?

_Natsume_

_I love you_

Seeing that makes me want to cry... Are you lying to me? Or are you actually telling the truth?

Who knows...


	10. How did this happend?

**Chapter 10**

I went to school... Yes, I went to school... But... I had to skip two classes to avoid Hotaru and Natsume. Im not sure if Hotaru was even Here. But I wont take my chances. What Natsume said Yesterday kept running in my mind.

"Skipping?" I turned, It was Ruka... I tried to smile. "R-Ruka, Hey." I said. I wasn't skipping I was just late for class..

"Natsume told me everything." He said. I looked at him with sad eyes, "You know_ Every thing_?" I asked . He nodded. " It hurts What Hotaru did, it really does.. But I can live with it." He said.

I sighed. " So you know about what happened when Hotaru confessed to Natsume?" I asked him. He nodded. "Please dont remind me." He said.

"Natsume was so mad he called her a bitch." Ruka said. _Ouch.. No wonder why she 's not here today. _"Well it was Natsume's fault too, He cant just blame Hotaru.." I said.

Ruka started looked at me. "He really loves you Mikan... He really is sorry." He said. I looked at Ruka and sighed. "If he really loved me, He wouldnt have done it." I told him.

"You know what he did when he was making Love to that slut?" He asked me. I looked at him with disgust in my eyes and covered my ears. "Gross! I don't want to know!" I yelled. Ruka started laughing. I uncovered my ears and frowned.

He stopped and smiled. " He stopped right in the middle of it and thought it was wrong... Then he heard his car go off." He said. I started laughing. I didn't feel sick anymore. I smiled at Ruka.

"Thank you... We were both hurt in the middle of it, But I don't know...About Natsume that is." I told him.

"Also Natsume said if I ever see you, He says he love's you." Ruka told me. I sighed. "Is he really serious?" I asked. Ruka nodded. "He said he was determined." Ruka said.

I rolled my eyes. " Well I don't Buy it." I said.

Ruka smirked.

"Yep... We know." Ruka acted like what Natsue did wasnt that bad, Like it was okay... But is was not okay, Is he trying to get me back with Natsume?

"Ruka he lied to me, in my face! And he wants me to forgive him? I really cant do that!" I told him. He sighed.

I don't want to forgive Natsume, But I cant help but feel sorry for him... Just a little bit.. I don't know what to do anymore, I really don't.

* * *

><p>The only person I would talk to was Ruka, I would talk to other people like Anna or Nonoko.. But that's about it, I was mainly by myself... Natsume would try and follow me around, He would even try to kiss me if I wasn't paying attention. I told him to get lost.<p>

I couldn't help but think if he thinks this was all a game. He cheated on me, He even lied to my face. I thought I could play him and then break his heart... I don't know if I succeeded or not! I don't say anything to him, It just pisses me off how he keeps calling me and texting.. I blocked his number for Christ's sake!

He is a real pest.

All the girls go GAGA all over him now that he's "In the market" Now. I could care less my self, Now he can go out with whatever Bitch he wants..

I couldn't help but frown, But he hasn't, I haven't seen him with a girl every time I see him, Every time I'm near him he smiles... just a little. I sighed. _I cant wait to see the day when he is with another girl._

Guess what Im doing? Yes, I'm skipping.. Again! I didn't know where to go, _If i go to the cherry blossom tree, He'll find me for sure!_ It pisses me off how he thinks its funny! Ruka said he was not kidding.. But I dont buy that bullshit.

_I need some water. _I walked around until I could find a fountain. I was walking when I heard.

"Natsume... Come on... No one is looking." I froze, _I should just turn around right now... Yes! come on do it Mikan!_ But I couldn't. I was just a few feet away from what I was hearing... Should I take a peek? Or should I just listen?

I'm going to go with listening... Could they see me? I couldn't help but hide behind a tree and peek to see what was going on. _How convenient, There is a tree a few feet away from the water fountain. _I thought.

I snuck a peek.

"Get the hell away from me!" Natsume said. I sighed, This must be one of the girls that likes Natsume. "Come on, You don't go with that Sakura girl anymore... Just one _kiss_?" The girl leaned in and kissed Natsume. My eyes widened...

_Gee, don't I have to come to places at the wrong time?_

_Push her away..._ Wait... What the hell! I did not just say that right? Yep, I did not say anything.

I saw Natsume's eyes widened as well, He pushed the girl away. " All of you are just the same, pathetic and worthless.. Don't ever come near me again." He said in a cold voice. Natsume ran off, I saw the girl , she just stood there. I saw a tear running down on her cheek.

Then she ran away crying... I sighed. _You could of just kissed her back._

_" All of you are just the same, pathetic and worthless... _He means Hotaru too. I wonder what she is doing now? I couldn't help but wonder.

Is she sad? Is she happy? Is she mad? Or is she ... _Hurt?_

Wait... What am I doing? I shouldn't be thinking about her at all!

I shouldn't be thinking or caring what Natsume does! I shouldnt be thinking at all! I couldn't help but think.. About the way Natsume is... He is so determined, But what if he does this again? What if I feel the pain I felt the first time I saw him? What if I trash his car again?

I don't want to think about it any more! It just keeps running threw my mind over and over!

"Mikan.."

"WHAT!" I realized what I did... Stupid me.

I turned to say sorry, I had no idea who it was. I turned, My eyes widened. Oh god... No... What was she doing here?

_Hotaru?_

"Mikan ... Please ... I need to talk to you." She begged. I was in shock, She was here? Did she skip all her classes.? Whats should I say to her? When I looked at her, all my anger started to rise up again."No! I dont wanna talk to you! Go away!" It was the first thing I could say.

She started to have tears falling down on her cheek, She didnt look like her self. She had cuts on both of her arms, She didnt have that poker face on like she always has on.. She looks week and sad. Her hair was not shiny like it used to be.. And her skin was so pale.

I didnt know what to say... Should I give her a chance to explain? I didnt know what to do.. "Get the fuck away from me!" I yelled at her. That was cruel, I had to admit, But I didnt want to talk ... I couldnt talk... I was done talking.

But I felt so... sad.

I took a last look at Hotaru. She was crying... Hotaru? She would never cry infront of me... Not ever. "Im sorry!" She fell on her knees and she was still crying. I was shocked. "I know you wont forgive me, But... I just want you to know that I am truly sorry... I never ment for it to happen... Im just a pathetic Bitch! " She cried.

What should I say?

_You need to stop feeling sorry for the people who hurt you the most!_

I looked at Hotaru. "I dont-" I couldnt finish, Hotaru had collapsed right infront of me. "H-Hotaru?" She was laying down on her back... And she wasnt breathing... Did I do something?

I couldnt just leave her. My heart was beating so fast, I did what only I could do.

Call for help.

"Help! Some one please help!"

* * *

><p>I yelled and screamed, and someone finally came. They called 911, and Hotaru was taken away by an ambulance.. I got in trouble for skipping, So I got detention for a month.<p>

Some of the teachers were talking and I heard that she fainted of tress and she was cutting her self deep in the skin, They said that she was just too depressed, her body couldnt take the pressure, and she just lost it.

I feel so bad for her, The police were asking me all these questions... I know they were thinking that Im might have caused something for her to be like that.

Really, Me and Hotaru were alone.. She faints and she's not breathing. They were alittle curious. But I told them the truth. Hopefully they will beleive me.

I should have just let her talk to me, She wouldnt have stopped breathing if it wasnt for me...

School was over and I was in the office. "Can I please just go?" I asked. I was talking to one of the teachers who were keeping an eye on me.

"No, you have to wait till your mom gets you."

I rolled my eyes, "Im 17 years old... I dont need my mother to come pick me up." I snapped. This wasnt like me at all, I was just mad and confused. The teacher glared at me.

"Your not going anywhere... We have to keep you here." The teacher told me.

I know what everyone was thinking... They were thinking that I did this, I did it to Hotaru.. I couldnt have, Hotaru fainted because of her stage of depression.. I couldnt have done anything.

" You cant just keep me here! I didnt do anything wrong... I didnt do anything to Hotaru!" I yelled. I ran out the office and ran out the closest door I could find.

Finding my way around, I left the school. I new where I was going, I was going home... I new I would be introuble, But it was unfair.. It was unfair that I had to just sit there and all the teachers thinking that I could have tried to kill Hotaru.. There best student.. I just couldnt be in that school anymore. I was _done_.

I ran so fast, I ran so far. It reminds me of the time when I was running away after I trashed Natsume's car, And I saw him having sex. I started to have those feelings again, I didnt want it.

By the time I new it, I was in my neighbor hood, I ran even faster.

I finaly got to my house, I saw that my moms car was gone. She is probally worried sick about me. The door was locked and I was stuck out here. I realized how cold it was.

I frowned. I layed my back on the door, I slowly slid down on the hard ground and barried my face in my knees.

I slowly started crying, and I didnt know what to do... I couldnt be strong , I just had to wait.

How could I let this happen? Is this all my fault? I heard a soft ring from my pocket, I didnt want to answer it.. It was probally my mom. I couldnt help but realize how everyone I know has changed.

I know Ruka has changed, He still smiles but I could tell whenever I see him, He has this sadness in his eyes.

Hotaru is drowned in guilt.

And Natsume? Does he even feel bad, He just looks and acts different..

And me... I dont smile, I fake it... I just dont know who I am anymore, I dont think any of us do.

I sighed, and stopped crying. I should call my mother back, But I just couldnt... I wanted to be alone, I wanted to realize what was I crying for? I broke up with Natsume I told Hotaru to get lost.

I did what I needed to do, and yet... I dont feel happy.

"Mikan." I heard a soft voice, I didnt know if I was dreaming or not. I didnt bother to look up. I would hope it would go away.

"Is she alright?" I heard another soft voice... I must be dreaming, I have to be dreaming.

"Call Her mom, we found her." I heard. Call my mom? Was I really dreaming. When I looked up I met a pair of famillar crimson eyes.

_Leave me alone..._


	11. You cant just say hope

**Chapter 11**

When I met those pair of eyes I just stared at them... I Didnt know if I was dreaming or if I was in real life. What was suppose to happend next? "Get up." He said. I stopped staring and blinked.

"Come on, Get up." He said .

I moved my head back, I was to close. I examined the person... It was Natsume. The person a few feet away from him was Ruka. Why were they here? How long have I been sitting here?

Natsume grabbed my arm and pulled me up from the ground.

"Have you been crying?" He asked. I didnt answer, I walked past Natsume.. "No." I said, I stopped and turned to him. "Why are you here?" I asked.

"You've been missing for three hours, your mom was worried and she was crying... So me and Ruka offered to come and help find you." He replied. My mom was worried? I was right here, waiting for her, And three hours? I have been sitting by my door for that long? No wonder my butt hurt so much when I got up.

"Well... Im fine, you guys can go now." I said. Ruka came up to me and rested his hand on my shoulder. "Mikan, What were you thinking?" He asked me.

"What do you mean by that? I came home , It wasnt my fault! They thought I did something to Hotaru, I wouldnt stand for it so I ran." I explained. Ruka's eyes widend. "What happend?" He asked. I turned to Natsume, He was interested too.

"W-Well, I was not in class at the time... I... was... By a tree, and Hotaru came. She said that she wanted to talk to me... I refused... Then... She started crying and said that she was really sorry... And then she called herself a pathetic Bitch...Then... She collasped, and she wasnt breathing..." I finished. Natsume didnt say anything.

"Oh.." Ruka said. I shook his hand off my shoulder. " You guys can leave... Im fine." I said. Natsume frowned. "Your not fine, Come on." He said. I backed away from the both of them. I want to be left alone.

"No... Im not going anywhere!" I yelled. I turned to Natsume. " Why are you doing this anyway? I dont need your help, Why cant you just dissapear, and get the hell out of my life!" I yelled. "I dont want you here! Why cant you just understand that?" I told him.

I wanted to be alone, I didnt know where They were gonna take me... I dont want to go anywhere. " I told you didnt I? I will always love you, I will keep trying." He said, It was almost a whisper.

I frowned.. I cant get him to leave me alone...

" I know you still have feelings for me... I make you nervous when Im around." He added.

Not true, I will never have feelings for Natsume.. Not ever again. I just wanted him to leave me alone ... Or did I have feelings for him?. "You are a joke, This whole relationship is a joke! Don't you understand? Ever since I saw you cheat on me all my love just couldn't be given anymore! The kisses, The smiles, And the hugs were all fake.. I didn't mean any of it!" I lost it, I put my head down where I could look at the ground.

I started crying. "I never loved you, Not anymore... I was so angry and mad... I had all these mixed feelings ... And you know what Natsume? It makes me feel sick to my stomach, That you could lie to me in my face, And when you were with me that you showed no hint of guilt... I thought I could make you cry, I thought I could break your heart..." I looked up at Natsume. "That's why it hurts so much, That you would even think of trying to make me love you again... I-I never loved you! I hate you, I want you to go die! Do you understand me now? I'm done playing by your rules! Its my turn... So go to hell!" I yelled. I was crying, I never really meant all that stuff... Its just best for me and him to never be together... Its over.

I looked at Natsume, His face was pale and he looked at Ruka. He walked past me " Fine... Do what you want... From now on, I'm out of your life." He said.

"N-Natsume?" Ruka said.

I looked at ruka. "Please... Just let him go." I said to Ruka. Ruka turned to me, "Mikan... What are you doing?" He whispered. I sighed. " What I had to do." I told him.

"Ruka are you coming or not?" Natsume said. Natsume was already in the car.. Ruka gave me one last look. " Good bye." He said.

Ruka past me, after that I heard the car driving away.. I started crying even more. My knees touched the ground and I was still crying. I tried to wipe away the tears but they just kept coming.

"Natsume!" I yelled. I cried and cried, I could never take back what I said. "Natsume!" I cried.

My stomach started to feel sick, I felt the need to throw up. I kept crying, I didn't stop at all...

_I didn't mean it, I really didn't_

After that, It was all a blur.

* * *

><p><strong>Ruka's pov<strong>

I didn't know what Mikan was thinking. She couldn't have meant all that stuff. I turned to Natsume, He was driving steady. "Natsume? She didn't really mean it." I told him. Natsume sighed. "It doesn't matter, She wants me out of her life." He said.

" So your gonna give up on her?" I asked him. Natsume turned to me. "It doesn't matter, She wants me to get out of her life... Ill do it.. I did a bad thing anyway." He said.

I didn't know what else to do, I knew Natsume was a wreck, I new he loved Mikan.. But he couldn't change anything of what he did.

"So what about her mom? we promised we would bring her back" I told him. "No, we promised we would find her.. We did, you called her.. So let her do what she wants." He said.

I sighed. " Why did you let her go?" I whispered. Natsume stopped the car.

"I didn't let her go! She let me go! I cant do anything about it now, Now drop it and worry about your dead ex girlfriend." He yelled. He began to drive again. I frowned. "How could you say something like that? You don't even know if she is dead or not!"

I couldn't sit here anymore. I couldn't take what he said. I unlocked the said of my door and jumped out. "What the hell are you doing?" Natsume said.

"Ill walk." I said.

"You idiot! there's traffic!" He yelled. I ignored him and slammed the door.

The next thing I know I hear a honking sound. I turned, I saw a truck coming right in front of me, my eyes widened. _Is this how I die?_

All I know now, is that everything was a blur.

All I heard was the sound of someone calling my name. And that was it.

* * *

><p><strong>Mikan's pov<strong>

I felt someone shaking me, I heard my name being called out.. I didn't want to wake up. I wanted to go away.

"Mikan... Mikan."

My eyes were half opened, My vision started to come back to me. The first thing I saw was my mom, I was laying down what felt like a bed. "Mom?" I saw my moms face, Her tears were dripping all over me. She hugged me.

"Cant breath." I said. She let go of me. "Sorry." She said. I looked around, this place wasn't my room. "Where am I?" I asked her. My mom ruffled my hair. "Your in the Hospital." She answered. I sat up.

"Why?" I asked her.

" Mikan, When Ruka called me... He said you were at your house... He said that Natsume and Him would bring you back... I waited.. I got tired of waiting so I came to the house... I saw you just laying there on the ground. I called 911 , When they got you to the Hospital The doctor said nothing was really wrong but...You were out in the cold for a long time, Then it started raining..I don't know How you couldn't feel that.. I don't know whats going to happend next." She said.

"What do you mean, next?" I asked her.

"Nothing really bad... You just might feel the urge to faint... Or get sick... Your gonna be fine." She said. Now that my mom mentioned it, I have a massive headache. "How long will I be here?" I asked her. "Just a couple of days, I want to make sure your gonna be fine." She said.

I sighed. I was about to say something when My mom blurted out - "Mikan... Did you know Ruka got hit my a truck?"

I actually jumped. "What?" I said.

"Ruka got out the car, I don't really know why but... He wasn't paying attention and he got hit." She told me. "Where is he? How did you know?" I asked her. I wanted to get out of the bed right now.. But I felt so sick and my head hurt hurt to much.

"Calm down.. Natsume told me, They are here of course." She said. I frowned, I felt even more worse than I did before. "Why are they at this Hospital?" I asked her.

"It was the closest one here Mikan... Is there something wrong? Natsume did tell me you refused to go with them." She said.

I looked at my mom. "No there is nothing wrong... I'm not friends with them.. I'm only friends with Ruka mom... I don't know why you told Natsume to come find me, I don't want to talk to him, I-I hate him mom... I never want to see him again.. At least I don't think I do." I said.

"Well when you get better you can go see him... I _hope_." She said. My mom walked out the room, the last thing she said was "I'll be back." What the hell does my mom mean by hope? I am going to see Ruka when he gets better, I don't really know what is even going on with Hotaru.

When she wasn't even breathing... I sighed, my anger with her just disappeared with the rest. I wasn't mad or hated Hotaru anymore, I wasn't mad at Natsume either..

Is this all my fault? The reason why Hotaru was so depressed, If I could have just gone with Ruka and Natsume This would have never happened. And... me, I feel sick to my stomach right now.. And the only one left is Natsume... What happend to him? How is he hurt?

I already know the reason why. I laid back down on the bed and just thought... That's all I did.

I didn't cry, I didn't yell.. I just thought, What happends now? I just hope it will all turn out okay.. Then I could just forget about it all.


	12. Guilt with a pinch of Amnesia

**Chapter 12**

Serving a detention is fun isn't it? Just getting out of the hospital and feeling like hell is torturing also. Not seeing a friend that got hit by a truck is hurtful. Wondering if your ex best friend is dead or not is really nerve racking. Saying so much hurtful words to your ex lover and not meaning any of it, makes me wanna cry.

Knowing that your the only one in the class room who has a detention because she skipped school is pissing me off. Feeling sick to my stomach , makes me want to throw up. You know what else? Every Teacher, Student and any one else who goes to my school.. Thinks I had something to do with Hotaru.

The truth? I think it is my fault. If I would of just forgiven her when she told me what she did.. I would probably not be in this situation.

I cant do anything about it. I cant do anything at all. After being in the Hospital for four days, I stayed home for three more days. Then,It came Monday Again witch meant back to school for me. All I heard were the whispers and chatters of people behind me. And I had detention all week.

I would always have this dream about when I graduate.. It would be me and Hotaru. Laughing together ,when we walk up to get our certificates, Screaming that we finally did it. We were adults and we were going to the same collage.

But that all blew away with the rest of the moments I dreamed of having together with her, even Natsume.

I Thought that we would be together forever. I thought that he would never leave me. I thought that he was the one. That we were meant for each other... But I was wrong. we are not.

Those simple plain out words that he said..

_" Fine... Do what you want... From now on, I'm out of your life."_

Damn it..

I cant forget that sentence, I was stupid... Now I know that I will never get to take anything back.

I finally realized that of what happened all this time... I wasn't showing fake love.. It was artificial love. I truly am, still in love with Natsume Hyuuga. I truly now, forgive Hotaru in a bitter way. I just have one more thing to say.

Is this all my fault?

" Mikan?Aren't you happy? You will be graduating In a month. My little girl is growing up... Are you still going to that Collage that you picked .. You got accepted? " My mom keeps blabbing about me going to collage, I'm happy myself . I can finally leave and start fresh.. I hope.

"Are you listening?" She said. I turned. " I'm not in the mood." I groaned.

My mother sighed. "Sorry.. Maybe we should go see Ruka.. You didn't see him when you were at the Hospital, we can see him now?" She asked.

I sighed. "No, Natsume will be there.." I told her.

" Mikan, Its not for your benefit... Its for Ruka's... Who cares if you see him.. He's not Important is he?"

Great, Now she asks that. " It doesn't matter, If you were in my shoes you wouldn't want to see him anyway."

"Well, I would love to be in your shoes.. You get to sleep all day and have no worries." She's right. The first thing I did when I came home was take a shower and sleep on the couch.

"Trust me, you really don't want to be in my shoes.. Its not a pleasant place."

" Maybe if you go see Ruka, It would be more pleasant than you hope." She said. I groaned. I know why my mom is forcing me to go see Ruka, She wants everything like it use to be. I wish it could be to. My mom hates to see me all gloomy and upset. I know she misses the real me, Where I laugh and smile a lot. I cant do that anymore, I just cant.

But I will try for my mothers sake. "Fine, I will go see him.. After that, can you just leave it alone?" My mom smiled.

"Ruka will be so happy! His father will too! Go put on some decent cloths on and we will head out." My mother was filled with joy, She reminds me of me. And how I use to be. But wait...What does she mean by... His father too?

* * *

><p>"I feel sick." I said. We were there at the hospital. My mom was talking to a nurse and I was behind her. She turned to me. "Your just saying that.. Now go, I have to talk to someone." She told me. I frowned. "Your not coming? What was the whole point of going? I don't even know where the room is." I said.<p>

"Ill show it to you." The nurse said. I turned to her and put on a fake smile. "Even better." I muttered.

I looked at my mom. She smiled with Innocents. Damn it.

" Good bye." I said. My mom smiled again. " I will be back in twenty minutes." She said. I rolled my eyes. I turned my way over the nurse. She smiled. " Right this way." She Said all perky and what not.

We left my mom as she was showing me the way. We came to a door and she smiled once again. "Good luck." She said and walked away. I started to feel scared all over again. I was just here not that long ago, It reminded me of when I came to see Hotaru and when I broke up with Nastume and told him a wrecked his car.

All the things in the past came coming back i my head, I started to feel my self shaking as my knees felt week. I ignored it and just opened the door. I know I should have knocked but I couldn't wait any longer.

I looked around. This was a lot nicer than my room.. Not the point. I saw Ruka laying down on a bed. I could see he had a cast on his leg and one on his arm. I could see he had bruises all over his face. He didn't look to good. But at least he is fine. He was watching a TV .

"R-Ruka?" I said. I walked in and closed the door more gently. I stood beside him and looked down at him.

"A-Are you alright? Sorry for not coming to see you when you really need." I said. There's not much to say when a guy got hit by a truck. He turned to me, his blond hair was in his face, I could barley see his eyes.

He turned to me. " Who are you?" He asked. I laughed a little. " Stop playing around, Its me Mikan.. M-i-k-a-n." I told him.

He frowned. "I can spell.. Can I ask why you are here? I don't want any visitors." He said. I raised an eye brow. " Don't you know who I am? I'm one of your friends.. Duh." I said.

He rolled his eyes. " No your not... The only friend I have is Natsume... I don't remember you in the picture..." He said.

What the hell is going on? Ruka would not act like this.. He's kind and nice.. Now he's acting weird... How can he remember Natsume and not me? Wait... I got it, He has...Amnesia?But, it still doesn't explain why he remembers Natsume and not me.

I sighed. " Who is Natsume?" I asked softly. He smirked. " Natsume has been my friend for years... He was the one who was always by my side, He was my best friend.. I remember that...I think...That we were in a car...Uh... Driving away... Then I...Got hit or something... I don't remember that much." He said.

I sighed with relief... At least he can remember some things. " Wrong...I was your friend too.. Dont you remember? You had a birthday not that long ago... You had an ex girl friend name Hotaru! You-"

"Wait... Did you say Hotaru?" He asked. I nodded. "She was here not that long ago...I don't think she could be my girlfriend, She is way to gloomy." He said.

"What.?" I said.

Hotaru came to see him? So... She's okay? I will make Ruka remember me! he has to... He needs to! " Ruka... Take a good look at me... Don't you remember me?" I said desperately. " You have to... I'm sorry I didn't come visit you when I should have! Its my fault you got hit by the truck! Its my fault, Its all my fault... That you got hurt by Hotaru...That your birthday was ruined... Everything is all my fault!" I yelled.

" Your a really loud girl." He said.

This is all he has to say? He needs to stop being like... Like... Natsume!

"God damn it! Ruka, who am I!" I yelled. "Who is Hotaru? And you! Who are you? This isn't you? Your acting like a complete ass!"

I shouldn't be yelling at him when he's in this state... I couldn't help it, I needed to get him back to normal. " Well, who are you? Your not like anything Of what Yuka told me..." He said. This has nothing of what I'm talking about..

I left my stage of anger and calmed down. " I'm sorry... Your just, acting to much like Natsume..." I told him. "Ill say this one more time... Ruka, do you know who I am?" I finished.

" No... I have no Idea who you... " He replied. I sighed. If he does have amnesia, Will his memory come back? Or will he have to start fresh?

Wait... That's the thing... Start fresh.. Is there a reason , Why he has Amnesia? Is Ruka gonna start fresh.. He doesn't remember anything from the past two weeks ago. I don't think he wants to remember.. He hardly remembers why he is even in the hospital.

I looked at him. He looked at me, He really doesn't look to good..Maybe I should go... And start fresh too.

" My name is Mikan Sakura... I'm seventeen years old and will graduate soon.. I am your friend, and a really bad one.. I'm sorry... I leave." I said.

I turned around and walked twords the door. "Wait." He said. I ignored it and was about to open the door to leave, when someone knocked on the door.

" Ruka, Im coming in." I heard.

"He's Here." Ruka muttered. The door opened, It was Natsume.

I backed away a little more. "What are you doing here?" Nastume asked. He sounded so cold and hateful.

" Don't be a sour puss Natsume.. Mikan is my friend , She can see me." I turned.. It was Ruka, What is he doing? I looked at Natsume, I didn't want to be in the same room with him.

" I was leaving anyway." I said. I was gonna leave when Natsume said.

"No.. You can stay."

I looked into Natsume's eyes... He didn't mean it. I new he wanted me to leave. I wanted to leave too. " No you don't." I whispered and took off.

The first thing I had running threw my mind was even if I said all those things to him.. Do I still love him?

_No... Never._

**A/N: Guess what? I will be going on a trip on the 29th... Hehe xD So I wont be able to update for a couple of days. I will do one more chapter, But another one wont be coming for a couple of days, or at least a week. If there is a computer at the hotel , I will let you know and I will update as fast as I can. I hoped you like this chapter.. Yes, I know its sad that Ruka got Amnesia. I had to mix it up.. He couldn't just have a broken leg and arm.. Just be glad I didnt kill him in the story... And for those of you , who are wondering.. Hotaru is alive. In the next chap.. I will have more Mikan and Natsume time xD... See ya! CS is out =)**


	13. I forgive you, Hotaru

**Chapter 13**

_Calm yourself... Thats what you simply need to do.. Think of something happy and smile.. Dont frown... Just smile..._

Its not ment to be like this.. Its really not.. I didnt plan on it.. But it did.

"Mikan.. Im sorry I didnt tell you, If I had told you...You might have not come.." She said. I sighed. "Thats not what Im mad about... Im not even mad at all." I told her. I turned to her. "You went to go see him, And you didnt even tell me that." I said.

"Its not like I was planning it... His father asked me too.. I wanted to help so I went to go see Ruka... Thats when I found out he had Amnesia." She said softly.

" I didnt need your help... Now I feel like a complete idiot." I said.

"And why is that?" She asked me. I groaned. " I dont know." I replied. She laughed alittle. "Your so sensitive Mikan." She scoffed. I frowned. " Mom... Theres one last thing I need to do." I said. She looked at me. "What is it?"

" Hotaru... I have to make things right with Hotaru." I said.

I really did... I was done being mad, I was done crying... I cried everyday .. Every thing is dried up now. Still, for some reason.. I want to forgive her... I really do.

"Then stop sitting In the middle of know where and do what you have to do." She said.

* * *

><p>I rang the door bell, It was happily opened to Hotaru's mom. "H-Hi, Is Hotaru here? I really need to talk to her." I said.<p>

"Mikan? Your here to see Hotaru?" She said with disbelief. I nodded. " I really need to talk to her... Is she here?" I asked. Hotaru's mom nodded. " She is in her room, She's... packing." She said.

I raised an eyebrow. "Packing for what?" I asked.

"She got accepted To a collage in America...You wanted to see her?" I nodded. " Is it allright?" I asked. She nodded slowly.

"Do you want me to go get her?" She asked.

" No you dont have to, I want to get her by surprise." I said. Her mom laughed alittle. "Then come in." I walked in a the house. I felt the cold air right when I came in.

"She's up in her room." I nodded. I walked carefully up the stairs. I didnt know how to feel when her mom told me about Hotaru leaving to America... Was I sad? Was I happy? I just felt Nuetral at the moment.

I know where Her room is, I have been here many times. There came her white door, It was closed.

I knocked on it gently. "Who is it?" I heard.

"Its me." I said.

Before I new it The door went wide open in a blink of an eye. I saw Hotaru with wide eyes, It looked like she was gonna cry. "S-Sakura?" She said. What? When has she ever called me Sakura? ...Sakura? Me? that name escaping her lips?

"I need to talk to you." I said.

" W-What are you doing here?" She asked. I looked at her. " I came here to say and figure out a few things, can I come in?" I asked. She kept looking at me from head to toe. " U-Uh, sure." She stuttered.

I tried to smile at her. I walked in and sat on her bed and looked around her room. There was bags full of cloths and boxes. Her room was really empty. It was just her bed.

Why would she pack so early? School is not over in a month?

She closed the door and turned to me. I looked at her. "Why are you packing so early?" I asked.

"Why did you come?" She said ignoring the question I asked her. I looked at her once more. " Im here to say Im sorry." I said. Her eyes widend. "W-Why are you saying sorry?" She said.

I sighed. " For how I treated you, I didnt handel the situation properly.. Im sorry for that... It was because of me you could have died-" She cut me off. "Dont do this Mikan." She said firmly.

"Dont blame yourself for what happened, You always do this... You always say your sorry and you dont even have to! Everything is not your fault... Its mine... And even Natsume alittle." She finished.

I was surprised. I was speechless. I was touched.

" I forgive you.' I said. " Im not mad anymore... I know that your truly sorry... It wouldnt of last between me and Natsume anyway."

"Dont say that.. Forgive me? You could never do that... Face it Mikan, Deep down you hate me." She said. I frowned. " I dont hate you, I never did." I said. I didnt know if I was lying or if I was telling the truth. I did forgive Hotaru, I just didnt know if I hated her. Like I said, Im feeling very Nuetral right now.

" Why are you leaving?" I asked. She sighed and looked away from me. " I want to start fresh... I dont want to be here anymore... It would be better If I just left." She said.

" Ruka and Natsume are starting fresh too..." She said. "What do you mean?" I asked.

" You didnt know? Ruka's Amnesia is permanint... Lucky for him he doesnt remember anything.. " She said. I new he had Amnesia... But... Its permanint? "How do you know this?" I asked.

" Simple , I asked." She said. Yeah... Hotaru went to go see him.

Wow. " Listen... Mikan... You dont have to forgive me.. We dont have to be friends... I cant really stand here and talk to you... I feel to guilty." She blurted out.

" Do you still love Natsume?" I asked. I wanted to change the subject... I want Hotaru to know that I truly forgive her. I looked at her. She was blushing. I wanted to laugh, I have never seen her blush before like that.

"N-No... He hates me.. He called be a bitch and said I was pathetic... Im sorry Mikan."

"Why are you saying sorry? Me and Natsume wont talk anymore..." I said. " I told him I hated him... And he said that He will be out of my life from now on." I told her.

" Are you okay with that?" She asked.

" No." Wait... What did I say. " I-I mean yes.. I dont care what he does."

" Mikan... Dont lie."

_Shit..._


	14. If only you new

**Chapter 14**

* * *

><p><strong>Mikan's pov<strong>

* * *

><p>What the hell was I saying? Im fine with not being with him! I hate him. " Im not lying one bit, I just... Missed used my words a bit." I told her.<p>

"Your lying." She said straight up. " Im sorry... I ruined it for you and him... If it wasnt for me, you two would have still been together." She muttered. I know what she is trying to say. I know she's sorry. Thats why I forgive her.

" You didnt ruin anything Hotaru... Realtionships dont always work out." I said.

She bit her lower lip. " Like me and Ruka?" She said softly. I looked at her. " He did Love...You, Hotaru." I said. She smiled a bit.

"But I didnt love him." She said. " Not one bit... Thats why its good that he has Amnesia... He can finally start fresh.. Without any of us in his life." She finished. She had to have some feeling for him? You cant just stay with a guy as nice as him and not have a little feeling for him.. I guess knowing Hotaru, Any thing is really possibal.

I heard her sigh. " Mikan, Im happy that I could finally talk to you and not cry... But... We need to go on with on with our lives... We cant be friends anymore, Im going to America and your going somewhere else... And I cant be your friend again knowing what I did." She said.

I got up from her bed and hugged her. " Stop being like that... This isnt the Hotaru I know." I said. " I forgive you... Im not mad one bit." I said. I broke the hug and smiled at her. Her face was surprisingly not pale anymore.

She looked at me. " If you forgive me, You forgive Natsume." She said. I was about to choke. " Why?" I said.

" Because he did something bad too, You forgive me you can forgive him." She said. I dont know if I want to see him. Last time I saw him was when I went to go see Ruka..

" Why would I forgive him! He's the one who was having sex... He didnt have too! he had a choice! What if Ruka cheated on you? Would you forgive him?" I asked. She smiled. " I wouldnt care... Because I dont love him one bit.." She said.

" Maybe we should just forget about the species of Man and move on with our lives." I said. Hotaru sighed. " Stop... You really cant change the fact that your still in love." She said.

She thinks Im still in love.. Honestly, I really dont think I am. " Whatever." I muttered.

Now the only thing running threw my mind was... Do I have my best friend back? I looked at Hotaru. " Are you still leaving?" I asked her. " Yes." She said.

" But why? And whats the point of leaving so early? We were suppose to walk together on graduation day... And... Your just gonna leave?" I said.

"Do you want me to leave?" She asked.

" No!" I exclaimed. " Not at all!" Hotaru sighed. " I have to go Mikan... Its such a good collage." She said. I looked at her with desperation. " Wich one?" I asked her. Hotaru brushed her hair back with her fingers. " Yale." She said. **( A/N: Thats the main collage I know xD)**

" Arent we friends again?" I asked her.

" Mikan... We cant, I dont want to hurt you again." She said. I was looking at her with disbelief. Even if I forgive her, She will never forgive herself. I sighed.

" Mikan... Do you love Natsume?" She asked once more.

No... I didnt. I looked at her straight in the eyes. " No, I dont." I said. She smiled. " Your lying... Once again." She said.

* * *

><p>" How did it go?" My mom asked. I sighed. " Great." I said. I dont know if I was lying or if I was telling the truth, I guess its both.<p>

" Really? Thats great." She said.

In my house, all alone but me and my mother.. We cant even come up with a good conversation.

After about ten minutes someone knocked on the door. " Ill get it!" My mom and I both said. I laughed. " I got it." I said. I walked over to the door and opened it not even caring to say " who it it"

To my surprise it was Ruka. He was holding a basket full of fruits. " R-Ruka?" I said stunned. He rolled his eyes and handed me the basket. " Here." He said.

" Why are you giving _me_ a basket? Im the one who should be giving you a basket." I said. He rolled his eyes once again. " My father thought it would be a good idea.. I dont know why though..." He said.

I gently took it. " Thanks." I said.

" Yeah , Whatever... I have a to leave... Im in a hurry, Natsume's got the car running." He said. Honestly, I hate his attitude. " Natsume?" I blurted out.

He looked at me. " Yeah... He took me here.. To this... House." He said it in a way to insult my home! I frowned.

" Mikan right? Well, I guess I will see you later.." He said. I frowned once again. " Wait." I said. He turned to me. " Are you leaving?" I asked. He looked surprised.

" Something like that." He said. I new it, He was going away to start fresh... Because he'll never get his memory back... He'll never be his old self. I think its best if I just left him alone with it.

"Oh... Have fun.. Then." I said. I closed the door before he could say anything else. I walked over to the kitchen and set the basket down. I saw my mother coming my way.

"Was that Ruka?" She asked me. I nodded. " You listened, didnt you?" I asked her. She laughed.

" Whats in the basket?" She asked.

"Uh... Obviosly fruit.. And... A card?" I said. I never noticed before. I ripped off the plastic and took out the card in the basket.

My eyes grew wide of what I read.

* * *

><p><strong>Ruka's pov<strong>

* * *

><p>Did she just shut the door? God thats rude.<p>

The only reason why I gave her the stupid basket was because Natsume just had to write her a note. That guy is so in love. I walked back to the car and smirked.

" Let me drive." I said.

Natsume looked at me surprised. " You remember?" He asked. I raised an eyebrow. " Remember what?" I asked him.

" Nothing." He muttered.

I rolled my eyes. " Fine, I will sit on the side." I said. I got in the car and looked at Natsume. " You okay? You looked kind of spooked man." He said. He ignored what I said and began driving.

" What happened between you two?" I said straight up. He looked at me and sighed.

" If only you could remember." He said.

_Yeah... If only_


	15. Dont cry about it, Get over it

**Chapter 15**

* * *

><p><strong>Mikan's pov<strong>

* * *

><p>" Mikan? Did Ruka have his cast on?" My mother asked me.<p>

I didnt answer her, Too buizy rereading the card. " Mikan? What does the card say?" She asked. Again, I did not answer. I just kept rereading.

* * *

><p><strong>Ruka's pov<strong>

* * *

><p>My arm and my leg hurt, Like really hurt. I dont know I was so stupid and took the cast off early.<p>

" You know...Its my fault right?" Natsume said. I was looking out the window.. This neighbor hood looks so Famillar. I turned to him. "What do you mean?" I asked him.

He didnt take his eyes off the rode. " That your like this." He said.

I shrugged. " Cant help it." I said. He sighed. " Do you even care that your like this? That you dont remember anything in your past life?" He asked.

" Its probally for the best." I said. should I care if I dont remember anything? It doesnt matter to me. At least I dont think.

" You... Dont get it." He said. " You dont even know me anymore." He finished. " I know you, I do... I know that girl too." I said. Natsume took his eyes off the rode. " Then who am I Ruka? Your hurt so badly you dont even know the real me." He said.

"Why are we having this conversation?" I snapped.

" Because your messed up!" He yelled. I looked at him. Do I really know him? I frowned and started sweating from the pain my leg was causing.

" You say Im messed up? Its not my fault! Your the one who messed up, Your the one who lost Mikan! You let here go! Its your fault, all yours!" I yelled back at him. After what I said, It was quiet the whole ride, I started looking out the window again.

Now that I think about it, How did I know that? What I said back there? My minds all blury and I just cant think straight.

Natsume stopped the car.

_De ja vu_

Thats what it really felt like. " Sorry." He said. " Your right... I cant get her back either." He whispered.

* * *

><p><strong>Mikan's pov<strong>

* * *

><p><em>Good bye,<em>

_Getting out your life means going for good. Leaving is something you want me to do.. I understand that. These past few days I realized that I should have done this the minute you found out... Mikan, Im sorry. You hate me, I get that. _

_Natsume._

What the hell is this? " E-Eh?" I muttered. I crushed the card in my hand. I realized I started to cry. " T-That bastard." I said. What is he saying? He's leaving too? Not that I could even care.

So he just rights me a note that he's sorry! Damn it, Why the hell am I crying for?

" Mikan?" My mom said. I totally forgot she was even here, I sighed. " Dont mind me." I said. He is so... What? What can I say about him? Nothing! He is so confusing at times! I hate him.

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I love him. I hate him.

Damn it!

All these thoughts came up in my mind, I stopped crying turning to my mother. " Will you dispose of these?" I asked her handing her the basket full of fruits?

" Are you allright in the head?" My mom asked. I started to laugh alittle. " Im fine... Its just that... I hate this fruit." I said. " I hate everything right now." I said.

* * *

><p>" Im sorry, Everyone thinks you did that because of me." Hotaru said. I sighed. After of a day of wondering and thinking. I wanted to see Hotaru again. She said we couldnt be friends anymore because of what she did. But, I encouraged her and told her I need to see her. Things really have not gone back to normal at all, She's always so cautios and nervous all the time. She never calls me baka like she used too. She never has that confidence she used too, Yeah she will stand up for herself. But around me, She just hates herself.<p>

I told her about how everyone thought I supposidly " Hurt" her. Now, She says sorry for everything. Im not annoyed about it, I cant just tell that she just feels horribal, even if I forgived her.

" I-Its alright." I told her.

She put on a small smile. I convinced her to go to the mall with me since I couldnt stand my house rereading that stupid card over and over again.

" We havent been to the mall together i for a long time." She said softly. I smiled. " Yeah, Remember when I was drooling over that dress you hit me so hard on the back of my head I fell down? And you called me baka and said I was embarrising myself." I said, I was trying to make her remember the good times.

But... She turned her smile into a frown. " Im sorry about that... I was such a bad friend." She said.

" Umm... Its cool, I thought it was... Funny." I said.

It was crouded today at the mall, I had to push and shove just to get to the bathroom.. " Im hungry, You wanna get somthing to eat?" I asked her. She nodded.

I smiled. " To the food court!" I yelled like a seven year old. Hotaru laughed. I turned to her. " This is the part where you call me baka." I told her. She smiled. " Baka." She Whispered. I smiled.

We went to the food court . Hotaru got a salad and I got pizza. We found a table and sat down.

" Im telling you, He totally winked at me!"

" Really, I thought it was the blond one."

" Nope! It was totally Natsume."

I froze. I looked up at Hotaru, She started to get alittle shaky. What? Natsume's here? No way! There are alot of other Natsume's in Tokyo! There could be a million.

All though...That girl did say the blond one.

" Lets go." Hotaru said. I looked at her. " We dont have to, Its not like there coming over here to get food. Natsume hates This place." I said. I new that because... Well, I dont want to talk about it.

I saw that Natsume and Ruka were coming to get some food.. Supposidly.

" I would say your an idiot, But then again... I have changed." Hotaru said. I couldnt help but smile... She starting to act like her normal self. " Its not like there gonna come over here." I told her.

" Have you been friendly with Ruka?" She asked me. I raised an eye brow. " Kind of, I want him to at least know who I am.. Why?" I asked.

" Because he's waving at you." She said.

_What!_

* * *

><p><strong>Ruka's pov<strong>

* * *

><p>Natsume and I were at the mall, Only for one reason. I tried to tell him to forget about Mikan and find some other chick, I know he loves her But, The dude has to move on.<p>

I may not remember how he felt for her in the past, But this is the present.

" She's cute." I said to Natsume . It was a really pretty blond girl with the most beautiful blue eyes. She could be my sister. Natsume frowned. " I guess." He muttered.

I frowned. " Whatever, Lets go to the food court, Im starving." I said. " No, Your leg is hurting you... Besides, I hate food courts." He said. I frowned. I am kind of Stupid.. But I will be fine.

" Im fine, We can check out some cute girls or something." I told him. He rolled his eyes. " What ever." He said.

We went to the food court and I encouraged Natsume to wink at some short brown haired girl. He did, But he wasnt that happt looking. I sighed, This is totally hopeless.

Thats when, I looked to my right and I could swore I saw Mikan... And... That short haired girl who came to visit me when I was in the hospital.

I looked at Natsume who was looking the other way, I guess I could give it a try.

I waved at her. Trying to get her attention. " Mikan!" I yelled. Thats when Natsume shot his head back at me. " What the hell are you doing?" He asked me. I looked at him. " Trying to get her attention." I told him.

He frowned. " You dont remember her... Lets go." He said.

He is so stubborn.

* * *

><p><strong>Mikan's pov<strong>

* * *

><p>I heard him call my name. What is he doing? I saw Natsume shot his head at him. I frowned. " Lets go." I told Hotaru taking the last bite of my half eaten pizza.<p>

She nodded.

We got up and left the food court. " Why are we avvoiding them? Do we hate them?" Hotaru asked. I turned to her.

" Honestly, I dont know... I just... Dont want to see them right now." I said.

_Hate._

_Now thats a word I need to understand and mean._


	16. Mikan, Ruka, Natsume

**Chapter 16**

* * *

><p><strong>Mikan's pov<strong>

* * *

><p>" What about this one?" I asked Hotaru.<p>

We were in some clothing store looking at outfits of dreaming but never wearing. She shook her head no. " Its not my style." She said. I sighed and put the outfit on the rack . " What is your style? " I asked her.

She shrugged. " It doesnt matter." She muttered. I nodded. I was ready to go home.. Hotaru is leaving tomorrow, I tried to convince her to stay but she denied. She is such a stubborn person. Everyone is, Even me.

" Do you want to go.. Away, I mean?" I blurted out. Hotaru shrugged. " Yes... I cant stay here." She said.

I rolled my eyes. " Your so Selfish! I thought once I forgave you, You would stay and everything would go back to normal! But... Its not! Your so Shy and timid.." I took a short pause to see her expression. It was blank, Like she didnt even care.

I sighed. " Im leaving." I said Not bothering if anybody was looking at us. I rolled my eyes once again.

Then, Hotaru grabbed my rist. " I cant leave without knowing that your mad at me... Please... Just dont be mad.. I... Im sorry!" She cried. Tears was in her eyes. I felt sorry for her... I felt like a fool for doing this to her..Her expression changed... She was sad.

" I cant make you unhappy... I have to go." She whispered. " I should leave... We should leave.. Its getting late and theres too many people." She said. Without a word frome me, She just left. She left me standing there.

" Being at the mall sucks anyway." I muttered to my self.

* * *

><p><strong>Ruka's pov<strong>

* * *

><p>" You dumbass! We could of had our chance!" I yelled at Natsume. This guy is just too gloomy. Natsume turned to me. " Since when do you use the word dumbass?" He asked trying to change the subject. I frowned. " Since I woke up five days ago... Now listen to me." I told him.<p>

"Either get ... Uh... Mikan back, Or move on!" I said. We were walking threw the mall way to the car. I think Natsume had enough of this.

Natsume sighed. " She hates me." He said.

I raised an eyebrow. " But thats the thing Natsume... Why? How am I suppose to know?" I asked him. Natsume stopped walking and shot a stinging glare at me. " I fucking cheated on her! I had sex with another girl and it wasnt her! She fucking hates me and wanted me out of her fucking life!" He yelled.

He didnt let me say anything and walked away. " Im getting a drink before we leave." He said.

This is harder than I thought, Why cant I remember anything? I barley remember myself... Everyone says that I never act like this when I was "Myself" in the past... Its annoying because I cant get aything right!

I started scratching my head.

" Im the dumbass." I whispered.

* * *

><p><strong>Mikan's pov<strong>

* * *

><p>She just left me there. I have to fix this somehow. I tried calling her on my phone, She didnt answer. I sighed, I need a drink.. I walked out the clothing place and went to a soda machine. To my luck there was someone already there.<p>

He was kicking the machine so hard, I swore he wantd to brake it.

I laughed.. " Hey, Dont break it yet... I still need a drink." I said. The guy turned, and I froze... Natsume?

"N-Natsume." I said. I felt really hot in the face.. He was shocked himself. " S-Sorry...I'll leave." I told him. Why was I blushing? I turned to go away.

" Mikan... Wait." He muttered.

I froze once again... What was I going to do? Should I turn around to see what he has to say? or should I run.

* * *

><p><strong>Natsume's pov<strong>

* * *

><p>I was so pissed that Ruka is always trying to find me some girl... If only he new. If only he could remember How much I loved Mikan.<p>

I kind of exploded back there.

I told him I was gonna get a drink... The stupid Machine didnt take my dollar and I got pissed even more, I started kicking the Machine. Then...I heard someone laughing. I turned and froze. There was Mikan... Looking beautiful as ever.

I new she looked shocked.. I wanted to smile at her. That goofy expression she made, I wanted to kiss her so much.

" S-Sorry... I'll leave." She said.

I didnt want her to go... I wanted to kiss her... Even make love to her.. To bad I blew it. I told her to wait.

What was I doing? What was I going to say?

God, I feel like a nerd trying to ask out a girl! She turned her head slowly to me, And then her whole body... She was actually going to hear what I have to say? Should I say I love her? Or should I say my goodybyes?

_No_

"U-Uh... About that Card In the basket."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Heyyyy! Im sorry for not updating.. School started and I hate it -_- I will try to finish this story at the end of September! Oh, and sorry its a short chapter.. Its just a wake up call to let you guys know that ChojiSanity.. IS BACK!**


	17. I run, You run

**Chapter 17**

_What was I doing? What was he doing? Why did I even turn around?_

" U-Uh... I have to go." I told him. Natsume looked like he was in panick. I sighed, Stupid of me to turn around. I started walking when he whispered something under his breath. Should I stop? What was he saying?

I started to walk slowly. Half of me told me to turn around, and the other half... Told me to keep walking. Thats what I did, I kept walking.

" Stupid." I said aloud.. " Just stupid."

I picked up the pace of my walking... I heard my phone vibrating and i took it out of my back pocket. I smiled warmly, I havent heard from this person in a week or even more. I was very relieved.

_Shiro..._

* * *

><p><strong>Natsume's pov<strong>

* * *

><p>What the hell Is wrong with me? Why did I say that? When Mikan said that she had to go I was in panick, She was leaving? I thought she was gonna hear what I have to say.<p>

She turned away from me, I felt like this was for good.

I reached my hand out to grab hers, But my hand stayed right there. This is best right? It has to be. I looked at Mikan, All I saw was the tiny peices of baby hair sticking out of the back of her hair. I breathed in air hoping to think I could just atleatst smell her sent.

" Mikan... Dont go, I love you so much." I said with one breath. I new it sounded cheesy and I new she couldnt hear me.

I wish she could of.. I wish that she would turn around with those big beautiful brown eyes of hers and start crying. With her saying she loves me too.

I frowned to myself. " Never could." I said aloud.

I left without the drink and went to the car. The motor was already on and Ruka was all ready to go. He was on the passengers side and I opened the door to the drivers side. He half smiled.

"What took you so long?" He asked.

" Nothing... The machine wasnt working." I said. Ruka laughed, and I kinda smiled. I wasnt mad at him anymore and we were sorta on good terms again. I got in.

" Natsume.." Ruka said. I turned to him. " Hmm?" I replied. Ruka turned his way to the window. " You know that Im suppose to go to England and America to see my relatives that I forgotten about right?" He asked me.

I nodded. " And after I finish school.. I wont be back for awhile... So I was thinking.." He stopped and hesitated. " Spit it out." I encouraged.

He turned his head to me. " I was thinking that you should come with me." He said. I didnt answer him, I was in complete shock. I turned my head to the car window looking at the dark clouds, It was gonna rain.

" I know we have like collage and stuff, But I'll be gone for like months... Im gonna move anyway, You know that.. So, You are my best friend and... I want you to come." He said

Collage wasnt important to me anymore... I could go anytime I wanted. I turned back to Ruka and smirked. He smiled. " Let me think about it." I told him. His smile grew bigger. " Thanks, I cant tell you how much hell I would go threw with my nagging father if you wouldnt come." He said.

I sighed.

I acted like it wasnt a big deal, But... For some reason my heart was beating fast.

* * *

><p><strong>Mikan's pov<strong>

* * *

><p>I forgot about the whole thing at the mall. I was worried about Hotaru, She couldnt leave... She wouldnt leave without us Graduating together? She wouldnt...I know she wouldnt.<p>

I kept thinking that she would call back, It looked like it was gonna rain! She wasnt in the car so she must of walked home. I kept getting texts from Shiro, I guess he made my day better.

I was still outside of the mall, Looking like a complete crazy person just standing there. I heard thunder and looked up to the sky. I need to get home before it poors down. I walked to the car and drove away.

" She'll be fine... She's probally home right now in her room." I said aloud.

* * *

><p>" Mikan? Am I fat?" My mom asked. I was reading a magazine artical not paying any care of what she said,Laying down on the couch because I was too lazy to go in my own room to read.<p>

She turned her head over to me, Looking over my shoulder. " What are you reading?" She asked me. I frowned. " An artical." I plainly said to her. She sighed.

" Graduation is gonna be here soon... You should be studying for your exams." **(a/n: Honestly, I dont know what they do at the end of the year for the twelth graders.. My guess is exams or something... If I get something wrong dont blame me T_T.. Im not in the grade)**

" I got that all coverd... I study in detention." I told her.

My mom frowned. " Well study here... Not that its any of my buizness but ever since this situation happend with you and your friends, You have been slacking off." She said.

I closed the magazine and frowned. " Your right mom... It is None of your buisness!" I yelled, I left the couch and went to my room closing the door firmly.

She was right.. But I was still mad that she even brought that up.. I just got home worrying about Hotaru.

I literally jumped to my bed and stuffed my face in my pillow. I felt like I was gonna sleep when I heard my phone vibrating on my desk. I took my face away from the pillow and grabbed my phone to answer it.

" Hello?" I answered.

" Hello? Mikan? Its Hotaru's mom." Her voice said. I slightly smiled.

" Oh... Hi, can i help you with something?" I asked her. She sounded like she was in panick.

" Yes, Is Hotaru with you? Its been a while and she hasnt come back. She needs her rest for tomorrow." She told me. I raised an eyebrow, Hotaru? Wasnt home?

It came to me in a shock, My eyes widend.

" Mikan? are you still there?" She asked.

I new I shouldnt have left her, I should of kept calling her cellphone and drive around to look for her. For all i know she could of been raped!

" Mikan?"

I paid my attention back to the phone.

" Oh... Hotaru.. Yeah, She's here with us.. Its allright if she's at the house right?" I asked.

"Thank goodness... Can I talk to her?" She asked me. I started to panick.

" She's in the bathroom... Her stomach was kinda acting up when she was over.. If you know what I mean." I lied.

" Oh... Well I know how that can be... Tell her I called." She told me.

" I will." I said, and ended the call.

Why did I lie? I new I had to find Hotaru...I had to find her myself.. I couldnt leave things how they were. I took my phone and went out my room. Mom wasnt in the living room or the kitchen. She was probally in her room. I got a pen and a peice of paper.

_I went to the library to study._

_ Mikan_

_P.S. Im sorry_

It was no good to lie, But I couldnt let my mom worry. If Hotaru is not being raped.. There is one place I know she'll be.

I gotta find her.

I will find her.


	18. Author's NOTE! PLEASE READ

**AUTHORS NOTE!**

* * *

><p>Hi! ChojiSanity here =)<p>

I have wrote this note to Inform you guys about my story **I'll bust the windows out your car...** Im still writing it and Im almost finish... I have already got my two chapters finish.. (well... Sort of.). Im not gonna post them yet =).. Yep, It sucks... But, This is why I need you guys to help me out here =) I really wanna get this story finish and get focused on my other one.. I really dont want to leave this story.

Do you think I should finish it right now and post the two chapters now... OR...Do you want me to put them on hold and get to my other story **A little too late...** I havent even posted chapter two yet... And I was hoping that this 2nd story would be like 30 chapters or something... I have school so it can make alot of things harder.

I have to get my two chapters checked so it takes a while because I have some poor grammer issues T_T...

Should I finish **I'll bust the windows out your car? OR... **start on **A little too late.?**

Please comment on this! I need to know!

* * *

><p>~ChojiSanity~<p> 


	19. Running

**Chapter 18**

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><p><strong>Mikan's pov<strong>

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><p>Okay, It wasnt a realy a good idea to just run out the house with only wearing a pullover and jeans with my black sneakers and its lightly pooring rain outside.. I new it wasnt really gonna last, It was going to be a storm any minute.<p>

I pulled the hood over my head .. I felt so confident at first and now I just feel lost.

I tried calling her one more time. I heard the rings at the tone. " Come one Hotaru... Pick up." I said to myself. I snapped my phone shut knowing that it was hopeless. I started walking to the library to see if she was there... I even walked to the mall .. It took me an 20 minutes to get there. I should of got the car but I wanted to hurry.. Plus, Its good exersise.

Surprisingly it hasnt been storming yet.

I went to the most buiziest place I could find, Thats where all the walking shops are.. I sighed to myself. _I never thought that this place would be so full. _ There was lots of people coming in and out of clothing stores, many people had umbrella's and coats on.

I ran into a warm bookstore.. My cloths were alittle damp.. I uncovered the hood from my hair and looked around... I knew Hotaru wasnt here but it looked like a nice place to go to.

" Can I help you with something?" A voice said.

I saw a girl who looked like she was my age, she had black hair with brown highlights in her hair, I could tell she was wearing green contacts.

I examined her more.

She sighed and started to laugh nervously. " I guess its starting to show." She said. I raised an eyebrow. " Huh?" I replied. She rubbed her tummy. I looked down at her. She had a stucked out tummy, I hadnt even noticed it... She's pregnant.

" Oh... I wasnt thinking about... That." I said.

She sighed with releif.

I sighed too... Where the hell is Hotaru?

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><p><strong>Natsume's pov<strong>

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><p>I spend most of my time with Ruka... Hoping that he might changed back into his real self.<p>

Im still having a hard time thinking if I should go with him or not. He wants me to split up the whole year of collage to go with him to see his family so he can bring them back into memory.

I was at Ruka'a house eating dinner with his family.. It was lightly dripping rain out.

I was sitting in my chair and I was so quiet... Everything was so quiet. Ruka's mom could barely look at him because he acts like a spoiled brat and a jerk.. He used to love kissing his mother on the cheek and now its like he's ashamed of it.

I stuck a peace of crunchy broccoli in my mouth and smiled to myself.. It still taste like it is when me and Ruka were kids.

" So are you coming?" Ruka blurted out.

I took my eyes off the plate of food and turned my way to Ruka.

" Maybe.." I said.

Ruka's father looked up from his plate too. " Comeing where?" He asked. I ran my eyes back to Ruka giving him a didyoutellhim look. Ruka smiled and shook his head no.

I frowned and looked back at Ruka's dad... " Uhh...It-"

"Its about the long trip dad." Ruka interrupted. I turned my head to Ruka's mom... She was eating her food staring at the left over bread at the table in the bowl.

" He's comeing?" Ruka's dad said. Ruka nodded.

" Uh... I still have to think about it... I... Have collage and stuff to think about...Also graduation." I said. Ruka glared at me. " Theres no thinking about it.. Your going.. Besides.. Your family wont care." Ruka said.

I frowned.. _He still doesnt remember much.._ I got up from the chair. " Thanks for the food... Excuse me." I said. Then, I left them and went outside... It was still raining .. More like a light drip.

I was gonna leave when Ruka came out.

" Natsume! Why did you leave? " He asked. " Listen... If its about Mikan again... If your thinking about leaving her... Dont worry.. There are way hotter girls where we are going." Ruka said.

I didnt say anything... All I did was turn around and punched Ruka right in the face.

"Wake the fuck up already!"

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><p><strong>Mikan's pov<strong>

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><p>"So your name is Hikaru?"<p>

She nodded. I smiled.. She gave me a cup of tea since it was damp and cold outside. " Thanks... I feel like Im in the anime Clannad." I said. She smiled at that.

We were sitting at the little kiddy tabled where little kids go sit to read. " Is it okay for us to be sitting here?" I asked .. I sitting in a chair that was way to small for my butt.

She nodded. " Its fine.. my mom wont mind." She said. " Me and Michiro like it." She told me.

" Michiro?"

" My baby." She replied... I nodded as a response.

" So are you looking for someone?" She asked me. I nodded slowly. " I saw you outside looking around and all panicked face... " She finished. I took a sip of my tea.

" My friend... I cant find her anywhere." I told her. " And I need to find her.. " I said.

" Oh... Im sorry, I hope you find your friend." She said. " And thanks for talking to me... When people look at me ...They just... Look away.. Even the kids at my school... So thanks Mikan for being my friend." She said.

" Its fine." I said. For couple of minutes we talked.. Then, I had to leave and find Hotaru.

It stopped raining lightly.. The sun did not come up, but it was fine.

One last time, I called Hotaru.

After a couple of rings, I was about to hang up. Then I heard it...

" Hello." I heard the voice... But it was blury.. and I could barely hear it.

" Hello! Hotaru?" was what I said. I could hear the static. " Mikan?" I barely heard.

"Hotaru? Where are you?" I asked.

"M..Im...With." I couldnt hear anything... All I heard was little words. " Hotaru where-" The phone hanged up. My eyes widened. Then I heard thunder , I screamed.

_She answered the phone.. So she must be okay._

I looked up at the sky, There it was.. Drips of rain poring down on my face.. I put my hood on. My phone started to ring in my hand. I looked down at it hoping it was Hotaru.

It wasnt... It was mom..

I looked at the time.. It was 10:30... My moms probably worried .. I ignored the call and put the phone in my back pocket.

_Im not going home._

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><p><strong>Narrators pov<strong>

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><p>Someone was knocking on Ruka's door. His jaw hurt badly. It wasn't broken.. Just soar and purple.<p>

"ughh." he groaned.

Ruka opened the door.

It was Hotaru.. She was hanging an umbrella over head. He didnt speak.. It would hurt him. Ruka remembered her though... She didnt look as messed up as she did before.. She looked more brighter he guessed, also beautiful.

" Can I come in... I need to talk to you." She said. He moved out the way for her to come in. She walked in. " Is your parents home?" She asked him.

He nodded.

" Wheres... Natsume, He's usually here.. Isn't he?" She him. He frowned. That son of a bitch punched him.

Hotaru looked at Ruka deeply.

" Can you talk?" She asked. Ruka nodded , but he pointed to his jaw. She sat down on the nearest chair that she could find..

" Listen... I know your gonna leave.. But, You just cant... You cant take Natsume with you... Your ruining a relationship..." Hotaru looked down to her lap. " Just like I did." She whispered.

How did she even know about him leaving and taking Natsume with him? Is she some stalker Ruka thought

She raised up her head. " I know there is some good in you Ruka.. Can you just remember so You wont have to leave?" She begged him. Ruka looked at her.

" I- I cant remember." He said painfully.

Hotaru eyed him... Then, she just sighed. "I'm leaving." She said. She made her way to the door leaving her umbrella slamming the door behind her. Ruka didn't even get to say that much..

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><p><strong>AN: hEYYYYY! whats going on! I should of posted this chapter like a week ago but I messed up.. I had to do my two chapters all over again.. Its a long story, I dont want to put you threw all the blah blah's... Im just finishing my other chapter and it MIGHT.. be out on friday or saturday! Please read and review!**


	20. Special Chapter Hotaru and Natsume pov

**Chapter 20**

**How it all happened ~ Special chapter**

**A chapter of why they did what they did.**

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><p><strong>Natsume ~<strong>

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><p>I felt free, Like I could do mostly anything I wanted.. Thats until I had my Girlfriend Mikan, I dont know why I wanted to go out with her, She just made me happy, Her smile, her laugh, The way her nose crinkles up when she gets mad when I annoy her.. It was good.<p>

We had kissed a thousand times before, Its not I was shy about, im pretty sure she wasnt shy about it either... But even though, I had a beautiful girlfriend, A supporting best friend... I never felt... Fully satisfied.

I felt like I wanted more in the world, I wanted to do more things with Mikan, I wanted to touch her, have something with her.. But, she never allowed it. Honestly, I had never pushed her into something she didnt want to do, I respect her for that.

But even though I respect her, I couldn't wait...

Thats when I had this urge to just do what all men do when they are in a relationship. _Cheat.._ At first, It didnt matter to me, I was being a complete idiot, But I didnt care.. I just wanted something from a girl. At first, I forgot about The whole thing and went on with my life.

When one of my ex's called me, It was a girl that was the first to break up with was skank like but she did. I know shocker right? Anyway, She called me out of the blue and said she is sorry and that she wanted me again, she wanted to have something again.

I couldnt pass that up, I agreed to meet her at this Neighborhood called Terris street and the last words she said to me were.

"_ I'll be waiting for you Natsume."_

I smirked at her remark, Natsume Hyuuga is back.

...

On the night of when I was going to meet up with a girl, I told Mikan that I had to cancel the meeting we were going to discuss of Ruka's birthday, and That I was gonna go over his house to ask some random questions. I know not my best excuse, But Mikan would fall for anything.

.. I was driving there when Ruka called. He asked me what I was doing, I told him I was going over terris Street, I told him I had to meet somebody Important there. He believed me and the call ended.

Thats when the night began...

While... It... was happening, I didnt feel like a rush to me, I didnt feel as happy as I thought I was gonna feel, But honestly, It was too late to really turn back, I had started it and I couldnt really end to the very end. I felt like The only person I needed was Mikan, and thats all I wanted. Sweet, Happy, beautiful Mikan.

_Mikan..._

I feel so sick with myself, I guess I shouldn't really worry, It would all end tonight with this girl. It wasnt to long before I heard this big boom from outside this crappy house.. Then thats when, I heard the alarm from my car went off. I put some pants on and ran out of that house so fast, And what I saw just pissed me off, My one prised possession was shattered before me!

It was my car, Someone had thrown a big ass rock on one of my windows, My eyes grew wide.. I wasnt thinking about how much it would cost to get the window fixed, I was thinking of the bastard who did it.

Stupid for me to bring my best car out here to Terris street. The back of the car looked like it was kicked like a thousand times. I wouldnt call the police, If I did, Ruka would find out tell Hotaru and Hotaru would tell Mikan, and then Mikan would get curios and shit.

I decided to keep quiet and come up with a lie for tomorrow.

After My car problem, I dumped the girl I was with, and decided to never do something like that ever again, I was with Mikan, and was gonna keep it like that.

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><p>The next Day, I told Ruka a lie, I couldnt trust him with this secret, He would blab it out soon if I did tell him.<p>

But that Day, Mikan was really happy, It was too happy for me... It felt like she was putting on a fake smile every time I saw her, When she asked me about what happened to my car I had to come up with some lie.

I told her That I lied to her and that I had a sick relative and that I had to see them at a bad Neighborhood, and I didn't want her to worry... She believed me. The next thing she did was kiss me! Like really kiss me, Tong and everything, It was like the first time the girl did something like that.

After awhile, I felt more and more guilty about the whole thing... I became more Loving to Mikan than I normally do, and was more gentle with her, She took it okay.

For Ruka, He just went on with everything and told me , That on his birthday, He was going to tell Hotaru He loved her... I was happy for him, He finally found someone that he loves and that He cherishes.

When Mikan and I started going out, It wasnt to long before Ruka went with Hotaru..

I started to think that I could put this whole thing behind me, that it was going to go back to Normal.

But really..

_I was wrong..._

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><p><strong>Hotaru's pov ~ why she did what she did<strong>

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><p>Happy Mikan...<p>

I really did secretly envy her... I was so gloomy and depressing and she was so happy, I new I couldn't change myself.. But I continued to be her friend Because she made me happy of the least... I liked Mikan because she made me feel like that I was special. That I was such a great person.

When I was in the tenth grade, Alot of Guys really liked Mikan, They liked her personality, Her smile, Her beautiful soft long hair, and the way she would just change the aura.

It made me feel proud to be her best friend.

No guys ever really came near, But on this one day... Natsume Hyuuga did, Not actually hit on me, but it felt like he had an interest.

I was coming out of the girls bathroom when I bumped into him.

" Excuse you.." I told him. I was trying hard not to blush, Natsume Hyuuga was the most popular guy in the whole school, My personality would be like I didnt care about some hot guy..Truth be told? I did... I thought he was cute.. scratch that.. HOT!

But, I should just keep dreaming, a guy that hot would never be interested in me.

Anyway, Back to the story.

He turned in front of me and smirked. " Your in the way." I snapped.

" Your Hotaru right?" He asked me. I looked up... He knows my name? I rolled my eyes. " Yeah? do you need something?" I snapped again.

He nodded. " Why are you like that?" He asked. I glared at him. " L-Like what?" I asked him.

" So moody Towards guys all the time?You would be really cute if You smiled." He told me... My eyes widened, He said I was cute theoretically. My face started to turn red. " Whatever... Move out my way." I said.

From the corner of my eye, He smiled, Just a tiny one... But he smiled... At me... Natsume Hyuuga smiled at me.

Hotaru... The dull Hotaru.

That ment something to me. I was gonna leave when Mikan came running to me.

" Hoooooottaaaruuuu!" She yelled. Damn she is really loud. I saw Natsume look at her, His eyes turning away from me, but to Mikan. Mikan came over to me and took my hand.

" Long time no see, right polka?" Natsume said to her.

I saw Mikan blush. " Shutup you pervert!"` What was he talking about polka? Why did he call her that, after a month I figured it out. Mikan and Natsue were starting to get closer, Natsume was always picking on her, and smiling at her... Never once looking at me... It was that one time... Only one time when he did.

After that I became sad... I became... Who I am now.

I never wanted to be the third wheel when they started going out, so I confessed to Natsume's best Friend Ruka. He was nice... and gentle... But, I only did it from feeling lonely.

But for three years, They have been going out.

Three years, I was with Ruka... I liked Ruka, But I could never get the love for Natsume out of me..

Because he was the first one...To say at least a meaningful comment to me, than any other guy. I couldnt take it anymore.. I still liked Natsume Hyuuga, and friendship at the time with Mikan... Ment shit to me.

When it was out Senior year, I called up one of Natsume's ex girlfriends, That dumped him before he went out with Mikan, and agreed to pay her money if she did just one thing to destroy Natsume's relationship with Mikan.

What I was doing was stupid, but I couldnt see the kissing , hugging, the laughing, and Natsume saying he loves Mikan every single day.

She happily accepted the payment.. and I happily closed the deal.

I thought it was settled, I had a perfect plan, Tell Natsume I new what he did, Tell him to break up with Mikan, and I would gladly not tell Mikan that you cheated..

I felt if I could not have Natsume, No one could.. Not even Mikan, My bestfriend.

But, Too bad my plan didnt work out as plan.

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><p><strong>Natsume &amp; Hotaru's pov<strong>

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><p><em>Im such an Idiot...<em>

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><p><strong>A<strong>**/N: hEY! cHOjIsAnItY HERE! I know your probally mad that I havent updated.. But school is really annoying -.-... Anyway, this chapter explains most of why Hotaru and Natsume did what they did.**

**Special chapter~**

**so, I try and get the next one out by the end of this month .. I cant make any promises.. But! if I get alot of reviews, Ill post the next chapter on Friday, and it will be TWO chapters... almost making this story to an end T_T**

**~ChojiSanity~**


	21. Sneek preview !

**Sneek peek**

**OoOoOoOo**

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><p><strong>Next chapter~ that are coming up ~ Later chapters<strong>

**Chapter 21**

"Tell me about what happened...With us.. I want to know about you."~

"There is nothing to tell...There was never nothing."~

" Why do I feel like i have a connection with you?"~

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><p><strong>Chapter 22<strong>

"Let me be close to you again... Please.. I promise i wont hurt you ever again.. Mikan, let me love you."~

"It doesnt matter... Please... Natsume... Just let me go.. For good this time."~

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><p><strong>Chapter 23<strong>

" Tell me who I am! Dont fucking hide this shit from me anymore..!"

" It doesnt matter! It wont change anything... This is who you are Now!"

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><p><strong>Chapter 25<strong>

"I cant believe He's actually Leaving."

" Y-Yeah.."

" Mikan... Dont Let him go."

" No... He needs to let me go."

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><p><strong>Chapter 26<strong>

****" Natsume... Are you sure you wanna do this?"

" Yeah .. Im sure.. No turning back?"

" No turning back."

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><p><strong>AN: Well Guys looks like ChojiSanity is back~**

** Sneek previews of the chapters i will be posting! looks like i will be ending this story by thanksgiving... Review please.**

**And check out my story Pocky..**

**~ChojiSanity~**


	22. Tell me who you are HxR

**Narrators pov**

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><p>Hotaru was walking away from Ruka's house, She just had realized that she had left her umbrella at his house.<p>

_What an idiot i am .. God._

She thought...

It was pouring rain and Hotaru became wet.. " Oh great." She said in an irritated moment.

Looks like her plan didnt go so well as she hoped... Mikan had given her another chance no matter how much hurt she felt.. Why did she leave? Leave to go talk to the jerk face Ruka. She was getting Mikan worried of where she was... And her mom is probably worried sick..Hotaru sighed.

" Every thing i plan out fails." she said aloud to herself.

Hotaru was now drenched with rain.

To think she could be even wetter, a car had honked at her.. She turned her head to see who it was...

"Ruka?"

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><p><strong>Ruka's pov<strong>

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><p>That girl... Hotaru..<p>

What a weird girl... She is so interesting.. At first she looked weird and gloomy to me.. Now its something about her that attracts me to her.

My cheek still hurts badly, But what Hotaru said to me keeps running over and over through my mind.

_ I know there is some good in you Ruka.._

Why am I like this?

"Ruka? was someone at the door?" My mom asked as she was coming down the stairs. " Uh... Y-Yes... Just a girl I know." I replied. My mother came by me. " Well it seems your friend left her umbrella and its pouring outside." She told me.

Thats when something in my mind clicked.

I grabbed her umbrella.. " I guess i will go out and give it to her then... " I said.

My mom was surprised.. Since its probably the nicest thing i did since my accident.

" O-Okay... Just be careful Ruka." She told me. I rolled my eyes. " Whatever." I told her and closed the door behind me. I went into my car and started it. Turning on the heat in the car because it was cold outside.

I started pulling out of the drive way and started to drive around to find Hotaru..

Luckily to my surprise she wasnt that far, She was drenched. I started to slow down my car and rolled down the window and honked at her, She turned her head to me and looked a bit shock.

" Ruka?"

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><p><strong>Hotaru's pov<strong>

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><p>"Get in." He plainly said to me.<p>

I frowned. " Its fine.. Just give the umbrella." I said to him. I was freezing cold and didnt want to be bothered by Ruka at all.

" Its fine... Just let me give you a ride, Your shivering." He said. Damn it, He caught me shivering.. I tried to keep my cool. " Look Im fine, Its not that cold out here, and by talking to you right now Im getting even wetter." I told him.

He smirked. " Well even if you have your umbrella your still freezing...Hotaru.. Just get in the car.. Your already gonna catch a cold." He said to me softly..

" Oh please, Why do you even care?" I whispered just enough for him to hear me.

It was quiet for a few seconds..

" Hotaru I-"

I cut him off " UGH! fine! I'll get in your stupid car!" I yelled at him.. I opened his car door sat down in his warm heated car and slammed his car door hard.. Ruka rolled the window up.

Once he was done that it was awkwardly quiet.

I turned to look him.. " Well? what are you just sitting there for? Drive..!" I snapped.

He didnt say anything, He just began to drive.

" Do I take you home?" He asked.

" No." I said quickly. He looked at me. " The where should I take you Miss proper?" He playfully said.. I shot a glare at him. " Shut up."

He sighed. " Just trying to make conversation."

He turned his wind shield wipers on.

" Im not here to make conversation... Just drop me off at the Library." I told him. He sighed .. "Isnt it a bit late.. Will they be opened?" He asked.. I didnt answer him. once again He sighed. " The least you could do is say thank you, With my jaw hurting as hell , You should be-"

I cut him off. " Look! I didnt ask to be driven.. You offered! I can still just take my umbrella and just walk... So just shut up." I grouched.

With that it was quiet, The only noise we could hear was the rain pouring down, and windshield wipers squeaking.

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><p>After ten minutes of complete silence between Ruka I.. We finally got to the Library... It was opened for at least thirty more minutes.<p>

He parked at an opening spot.

" T-Thanks.." I said to him.. I grabbed my umbrella and opened the car door . " Wait." Ruka said. I turned to him.

" What?"

" What Were we? You and me?" He asked.. My eyes widened. I turned away from him .

" We were Just friends." I confirmed.

" Liar.."

I shot a glare at him.. " Look... It doesn't matter anymore... Im leaving." I was about to leave when Ruka grabbed my arm.. " Look Hotaru , I may not remember a lot of things That happened to me, but I find it funny how nobody has mentioned you... who are you? I know you are not just a friend...I cant just justify you as the gloomy yet mysterious girl who has showed up a couple times in my life after my accident.. I need to know who you are... Because I know nobody will tell me." He stated.

I stared at him hard, Looking into those blue eyes of his.

" You know Ruka , You really are lucky... I really would take your place in a heart beat... Not remembering anything In the past, not having to be sad and hating yourself ever single day... Its good that you dont remember anything between me and you, You wouldnt want to remember, and Im gonna keep that way."

His grip grew tighter on my Arm.

" Let go of me." I snapped.

" Hotaru , Please tell me what happened... With Us... With everything, I wanna know about you." He said softly.

I yanked my arm away from him. My heart was beating uncontrollably fast.

" There is nothing to tell."

" Did we have a relationship or something?" He asked.

I sighed...

" There was nothing... Going on between you and me... Never nothing."

With that, I took my umbrella and left the car.

Why did I feel like crying so much?

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><p>While I walked inside the Library I reached out of my pocket for my phone... I got it out and dialed Mikan's number.<p>

_Ring_

_Ring _

_Ring..._

_" Hotaru?!" _ I could tell Mikan was worried just by hearing the tone of her voice.

_" Hey Mikan, Im fine..."_

_" Y-You are? Where were you?!"_

_" I answer questions later... Right now I need you to-"_

_ beep._

_" Hello?"_

__The phone got disconnected .. I tried calling Mikan back but this time she didnt answer..

Must have been because of the rain I guess.

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>


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